


Life Began in Ashes

by Mayamelissa, SilentSlayer



Series: Life is a Pheonix [1]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: AU, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arranged Marriage, Attempted Abortion without consent, Cullenlingus, F/M, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm messing with cannon, Ostwick Circle, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pregnancy, The Chantry Lies, it gets dark in chapters 6 & 7, the slowest burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-24
Updated: 2016-02-13
Packaged: 2018-05-03 04:40:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 50
Words: 34,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5277023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mayamelissa/pseuds/Mayamelissa, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilentSlayer/pseuds/SilentSlayer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She should be with her husband, preparing for the arrival of the child growing within her. Instead he is dead, she is guilty of killing the Divine, and Cordelia Trevelyan has little hope her life will ever be happy again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I had another idea bite me a few days ago.  
> Thoughts are in italics.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> edited by her royal amazingness SilentSlayer for maximum goodness and then reloaded on here for all of you people to see. Behold the glory.

The fact she was pregnant and that people wished her executed for the perceived murder of the Divine would still make her feel like vomiting for years. If she lived through this. 

Cordelia had only come to the Conclave because her husband was going to be there, and the adoring sod could barely let her out of his sight. Now she would never see him again. He would never hold her again. Never calm her nightmares that would still occasionally pop up in her sleep. 

Elias Trevelyan was now gone. Murdered by whatever was responsible for the Conclave’s explosion and this horrible magic mark upon her palm. That they thought, even for a moment, that she would willingly have ended the lives of so many people or knowingly been responsible for the Breach caused her blood to turn to ice and rage to fill her.

So when this chancellor called Roderick opened his mouth and stated with no doubt she had killed everyone who was in charge, she could not have controlled herself from trying to strangle him even if she had wanted to. Lucky for the pompous cleric, the Breach decided to expand and cause her arm to resonate painfully before she could launch herself at him to claw his eyes out.

Climbing the mountain path was in no way safer than if she chose to charge with the soldiers in her mind. So she chose the fastest route and prayed to the Maker he would keep her and her unborn baby safe until this was over.

He owed her that much, didn’t he?

After all, she’d lost her parents when she was a child. She had no family now with Elias gone, and his own family had officially disowned him when he had showed magical ability. She had no home. No friends. Utterly alone with a bleak looking future and a child growing inside her.

She didn’t even wish to imagine what kind of horrific aftermath this would have on her baby should they survive.

_ Maybe you’ll show some mercy and let my closing the Breach bring a peaceful end to us both, _ she thought as she poured every ounce of strength she had into the Temple’s rift.  _ Let this work! _


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italics are thoughts or memories.

_ Elias laughed as Cordelia glared up at him from her spot on the floor. She was soaking wet. “Very funny, Elias,” she said. _

_ “Only a lot,” he said. “Are you alright?” He offered her his hand and she took it, getting to her feet. “Horribly embarrassed. And now I have to change my robes.” _

_ “Well then you’ll have to marry me so I can spend the rest of our lives making it up to you,” he told her. He was joking. He always joked. That was part of what made her love him. “Sure. And then we’ll have a honeymoon in Val Royeaux before moving to a farm in Ferelden.” _

_ “Well I don’t know about that. I think Knight Commander Osborn would prefer us to stay in the Circle. But First Enchanter Meredith says she would be willing to find us our own quarters…” _

_ If she hadn’t known him for basically all their lives, she never would have noticed the serious tone underlying his words. “I know you, Elias. Please tell me you haven’t been actually speaking to Osborn or Meredith?” _

_ “And why not?” _

_ “Because-” _

_ “Things are changing for us, Cordie. Ostwick has always been a more liberal Circle than others.” _

_ It was true, however there was liberal and then there was flagrantly breaking rules. “There’s no way it can happen,” she stated. “The Chantry-” _

_ “Can go hang itself. Ostwick’s not rebelling like everywhere else because the templars and senior mages treat us like we’re people. Osborn himself has said we’d been independent before the vote was made. We were practically a self-sustaining and governing Circle. The templars here protect us from outside dangers more than keep us on leashes.” _

_ Again she couldn’t argue with him as every word he said was true. _

_ “Marry me.” _

_ Elias took her hands in his and they stared in one another’s eyes. “Take my last name. We’ve been together since we were children. Let’s stay that way for the rest of our days.” _

 

*-*-*-*

 

Cordelia jolted awake, her hands reflexively going to her stomach as she looked around in a panic. Sighing in relief as she confirmed the precious life still was growing within, the woman looked around. This didn’t seem like a prison but where…? 

“Welcome back,” a voice said and she stared at the door. It was Solas, the apostate elf who had helped her earlier. “How do you feel?”

“Honestly? I wish I were dead.”

He frowned at this. “Not a healthy wish. Especially for a pregnant woman who is the only hope for sealing the Breach.”

She looked at him with surprise then disappointment. “So it didn’t work.”

“On the contrary. You’ve stopped it from growing and it has stabilized, as well as the mark on your hand.”

“For all the good it does,” she muttered. “Have you told anyone?”

“About you’re being with child? No. I had thought I was perhaps mistaken. How far along...?” He trailed off but she understood him. “A little less than 3 months if I am correct with my charts,” came her response. “What am I going to do?”

Solas stared at her, a look of pity etched upon his face. “I am sorry.”

“For what? You weren’t responsible for any of this. Unless you can sense something-”

She touched her belly again in fear but he shook his head. “No. As far as I can surmise, your child is fine and healthy. There have been no adverse affects to its development.” She let out a long breath of relief. In spite of herself and the circumstances, this was the only part of Elias she had now.

“Lady Cassandra wanted to see you once you awoke. She is in the Chantry. Shall I ask her to come?”

“And what would be the reason to make her do such a thing? I have legs. I believe I can walk.”

“You are also in a delicate state. And there are… things going on outside that might cause you to wish you stayed within these walls.”

Cordelia blinked, brown eyes searching him. “Unless there are templars outside waiting to burn me at the stake, I don’t believe much of anything can make me wish to hide,” she informed him as she got to her feet. She ran her hands over her chocolate brown hair, using magic to fix it into a more presentable style.

Solas watched her more impractical use of magic with a hidden smile. He hadn’t seen such an action in far too long and got perhaps a little more joy out of it than he should have. “Do you plan on informing anyone about your… condition?”

Cordelia’s expression clouded over. “It doesn’t matter. All I would get would be pity from anyone who doesn’t believe I killed the Divine. I have no home. No family. My husband’s disowned him when he came into his magic.”

“You were married? I was under the impression Mages could not marry.”

“Ostwick Circle was far different than most Circles. And Elias was very well respected in spite of not being a very adept mage. Even among the templars, he garnered quite a few lasting friendships.”

“He sounds like a good man.”

“He was. And now he’s gone.”

Cordelia fought against the tears that were threatening. She felt a hand on her shoulder and Solas said soothingly, “It’s alright to mourn. I will go tell Cassandra you are awake.”

He left her alone in the cabin and headed for the Chantry to inform the Seeker. He would not divulge the Herald’s pregnancy unless it she did so herself or it became a serious necessity.  _ What have you done, Solas? _ he asked himself.

He’d let a madman threaten the world because he was too weak to unlock his own power.

No, that was not all. Despite how much he wanted to think of the beings around him as inconsequential, the fact his magic now marked not just a woman but her unborn babe caused some part of him long buried to feel again. Even if she was a shemlen (a human at that!) the part of him that had long slept wanted nothing more than to protect her.

She was dangerous.

And it wasn’t just her. The magics he felt during the few times he’d examined her told him so many things. Some he could grasp and some he couldn’t. But he did know one thing: whether or not the baby lived, it was now bonded to him just as sure as if he had sired it himself.

Solas was unsure whether to laugh or cower in a corner.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't updated until now because I wanted to read up on pregnancy symptoms. Don't worry. I'm gonna make it so Cordelia suffers very little in regards to the baby growing. Let's face it: she deals with enough. I mean husband dead, suspected of mass murder, pregnant and the only one who knows so far is the Dread Wolf? Not good.
> 
> re-posted on 1/14/2016 because it's been officially edited like a real story and all.

Everything smelled stronger and made her feel like vomiting. The moment she went outside, it was like being assaulted at a hundred different directions. Solas had been kind enough to bring her a small bag of scented herbs, which she now held up to her nose and inhaled to block out the nausea inducing aromas around her.

“If I live through this I should make him something as thanks,” she muttered aloud and walked as quickly as she could to the Chantry. Thankfully once she was inside, the onslaught to her senses receded enough that she made her way to the war room.

“Good to finally have you join us,” Cassandra said, her tone slightly irritated. If it was because she’d been locked up in the cabin for half the morning, or she just hated doing these kinds of things, Cordelia couldn‘t say.

“I’m sorry. I’m um… unfortunately having a slight issue.”

Not a lie so good on her. However there was no chance she was ready to tell them the truth. Her eyes quickly examined each person as they were introduced and she focused on the only male in the room. He held himself like a templar and she could feel the tell tale slight tug of lyrium in his blood. The decreased feel of it though made her wonder if he was late for his daily dosage. 

Well that was his business… and she was in position to ask him anything about himself.

She swallowed, nervously holding her hands over her belly. A templar involved in the higher ups of the Inquisition might sense her baby’s life force as it grew. It was something Knight Commander Osborn had explained to them after they got married. A warning in case something happened.

Like this war.

“A pleasure to meet you all,” Cordelia politely stated. “But I’m afraid I’m not really sure why you felt introductions were in order, Lady Cassandra.”

“Your mark is still needed to help close the Breach,” the Seeker explained. “And Solas believes that by pouring enough magic in it can power it up enough to seal the Breach.”

“Oh yes,” Cordelia said sarcastically. “Let’s charge up something we barely understand to insane levels! Not a thing could go wrong except perhaps we all become paste!”

Cullen snorted at her statement, receiving a few looks of disapproval in his direction by his peers. He cleared his throat in order to regain his composure. “The Herald is correct,” he said. “I say we use templars. They can suppress the Breach, weaken it so-”

“Pure speculation.”

“He does have a point,” Cordelia said, earning a few shocked looks in her direction. “Enough Templars could work just as well as mages. The problem I’m not exactly thrilled at the idea of asking a bunch of soldiers specifically designed to hunt me down for assistance. No offense, Commander.”

“None taken.”

The ambassador, Josephine spoke up. “The discussion is moot as of right now. The Chantry has denounced the Inquisition and more specifically you.”

“That doesn’t surprise me. I’m a mage. The last thing most of the Chantry wishes is one of us to be placed in any kind of position that would grant us authority. Plus, they believe I killed the Divine. I’m still in awe on how I’m not dead yet.”

“The fact that you are a mage isn’t exactly why they are causing problems. Some are calling you the Herald of Andraste. And in the eyes of the Chantry, that makes you a heretic and the Inquisition traitors for harboring you. Thusly, we do not have enough support to even attempt a meeting between Templars or the Rebels Mages. Our hands are tied.”

Cordelia exhaled deeply, massaging her temples in a poor attempt to combat the headache that was growing. “Are you honestly telling me that you brought me out here for introductions and a chat about what we can’t do right now?” she asked wearily. “Because if that is the case, I would like to skip out of this right now and go lay back down.”

“There is something you can do,” Leliana stated. “In the Hinterlands, a Chantry cleric by the name of Mother Giselle has asked for a meeting with you. She’s busy tending the refugees and going to see her could provide us with useful information.”

Oh yes. Let’s send the pregnant widow with magical abilities off to where some of the worst of the fighting is happening. She desperately wished she could say that but for both her and her baby’s sake, she was forced to hold it in. Cordelia nodded. “Then I suppose I should go talk with her. I’ll set out tomorrow.” After her daily round of morning sickness was over with, she added silently as she left to go back to the safety of her cabin.


	4. Chapter 4

Solas brought her meals to her since he seemed to understand how much being outside made her feel. “I am sure you have other things you can do besides playing my nursemaid,” Cordelia stated. “Even though I do appreciate it.”

“Consider it another way I am using to help study the mark and it’s effects,” he said. “Those magics are dangerous enough on any normal person. Besides, unless I am mistaken my doing this will in fact run less risk of anyone finding out about…” He trailed off but she nodded in understanding.

“Until I start showing,” the dark haired woman stated. “Then we’ll have even more problems. It’s harder to hide a swollen belly full of child than covering up sickness. I doubt using a cloaking spell would be a good idea.since any kind of magic aside from healing might be dangerous.”

“Indeed. For now we will have to wait and see.” 

Cordelia sipped the soup he brought her slowly. “I do not look forward to any of these missions I am being sent out on, I can promise you that,” she said to him. “To my knowledge some of the fighting is worse around Redcliffe and the surrounding areas. And we have to go right in the middle of it.”

“You both will be fine,” he assured the worrying woman. “Your safety is my top priority right now.”

She blinked at him, more than a little surprised. “Do you have a soft spot for all pregnant widows or is it just me?” she teased the elf, who laughed. “You, dear Herald, are proving to be quite the exception to all things I expect.”

Which made no sense to her, she admitted a tad too freely. She had always been so plain and normal. Though it was true that Senior Enchanter Lydia (Maker grant her peace) had praised her abilities in the field of magic, in every other way she was average. Elias had called her the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. even when they were too young to know better.

Maker how she missed him.

“He should be here,” she blinked back the wave of tears that threatened. Solas rose and placed her dishes aside. “Sleep for now. The journey will be tiring and you need as much energy as you can get.”

She nodded. “Thank you again for everything, Solas. It helps… more than you can possibly know.”

“It is nothing,” he returned with a comforting smile and pulling the blankets over her. Cordelia shook her head and grabbed his hand. “No, it’s far from nothing. You kept the mark from killing me while I was unconscious. You’ve kept my secret about not only being married but also pregnant. Now you’ve designated yourself my temporary nanny. I am in your debt.”

“There is no debt to be collected when the acts are done freely,” he said. “Now sleep.”

She closed her eyes and soon was fast in the fade. Solas went to take her tray back to the tavern, only to open the door just as Cullen was about to knock on it. They exchanged looks for several tense moments. “Solas? Is this not the Herald’s cabin?” he questioned, a little unsure as Solas closed the door behind him so the cold air did not enter.

“It is, but she is resting right now.”

Cullen nodded. “I see. I will return later then.” Solas eyed him suspiciously. “Is it urgent, Commander?”

“No. I just wanted to see how she was faring.”

Solas gave a short nod. “The Lady Trevelyan will be able to perform her duties for the Inquisition in spite of her illness,” the elf informed him. “I can promise you that.”

“I see.”

Solas could tell it wasn’t that simple. Feeling more than a little uneasy, he steeled himself. “At any rate, I will be assisting her within the foreseeable future as I have previously had experience with this type of sickness.”

“Is she at all contagious?”

Not unless all the women in Haven began fucking indiscriminately during their fertility heights, he mused. “No it is merely a biological event that happens with some humans. I suspect within a few weeks or months she will be well.”

“Good. Well then, by your leave..”

The bloody human stayed in place and Solas did the same. He wasn’t leaving until Cullen was out of sight. He had a suspicion if he did leave before him, Cullen might try to enter the cabin. The last thing he wanted was a former templar with the ability to sense magic finding out the Herald was with child.

He really was turning into quite the mother bear, he evaluated. Well she was pregnant with what was essentially his child. Blood or no blood, it was his to claim should he do so. After a few long, tense moments the Commander retreated and Solas made the return trip to the tavern.

“Ah, Solas. I was wondering where you were.”

He looked at Leliana. “To what do I owe the pleasure?” he inquired. In reality it was anything but a pleasure but he concealed it well.

“I was hoping to you could answer a question for me. It’s about the Herald.”

“As I told Commander Cullen when he asked just a few moments ago, she will be able to perform her duties for the Inquisition no matter how long this disturbance of her stomach lasts.”

Lelaina raised an eyebrow. “While that is good news, I was only going to inquire if you were aware there is a rumor of you being involved in a rather tawdry fashion.”

“Is it not the job of ambassador to address such matters?” he countered before sighing. “I am merely assisting her as it is part of my duties to study her mark. If that includes playing nursemaid to her, then so be it.”

“I see. Thank you. I will not take up any more of your time.”

He highly doubted that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realised while I was writing this, I'm building up a sort of War Between the Daddies thing between Solas and Cullen. It's beautiful.


	5. Chapter 5

They arrived at the Hinterlands with very little issue. Although Cassandra was starting to give her looks when it came to her morning vomit sessions.

“Are you certain you are not contagious?” the Seeker inquired. Cordelia held back the urge to hit her. “I’ve always been a little sickly,” she lied. “The mark seems to be aggravating my condition beyond normal levels.”

Cassandra let out a startled “oh” before turning away. She may have lied, but if it got Cassandra to stop irritating her, then good. Varric handed her a mug with some warm tea inside. The blend smelled soothing but different than what Solas usually gave to her. “Old family recipe,” he explained. “Helps calm your stomach. I’ve used it for plenty of hangover treatments.”

“Should I ask what’s in it?” she said taking a sip. Her eyes widened a bit at the pleasant taste and how it made her feel within minutes of drinking it. “You could but it’s complicated. You like it?”

“I feel better already!”

Varric looked pleased as could be. “I’ll let Chuckles know the recipe and he can make it for you when we go back to Haven.” She thanked him profusely and he shook his head. “If I can help ease the suffering of Andraste’s chosen than I consider my time well spent.” He paused, his face turning serious. “You mind if I ask you a personal question?”

“If it involves more recipes to help stop my nausea that are as good as this one, I will reveal my darkest secrets to you!”

She more than meant it as well.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” the dwarf said with a wink. “But no. It’s just clarification. There was rumor back in Haven and I don’t know how it got started but people were claiming you and Chuckles there were involved.”

Brown eyes blinked and looked at him confused. “Involved how?” she inquired taking a sip of the brew again.

“Sexually.”

She did a spit take and started to violently cough as some of the brew went down her air pipe. “What?!” she asked in a horrified tone. “Who in the world-”

“Like I said I don’t know,” he said to her in a matter of fact voice. “More than likely it’s someone who never could tell the difference between steadfastly helping take care of a sick person and a couple who spends a vast amount of time indoors performing acrobatics of the bedroom. I luckily know the difference.”

And yet he needed clarification of a rumor that was absolutely ridiculous. “I find the general idea that people in Haven view me as such even more disturbing than the fact they think I am the Herald of Andraste. I would never even think of trying to be with Solas like that. He’s proven to be a good friend and that is something I haven’t had many of.”

“So there’s definitely no chance of romance in your future with him?”

Cordelia shook her head in fervent denial. “Not with him or anyone else,” she said sternly. “I’ve had my happiness in that field already and he died in the Conclave.” Varric’s expression morphed into one of sympathy and guilt. “I’m sorry.”

“So am I. More than anyone can guess.”

He softly put his hand on her shoulder. “If you need to talk-”

“No. It’s fine. Let’s get our business here taken care of, shall we? We’ve wasted enough time.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end and next chapter of this is gonna go dark. But it'll be okay! I promise.

“We are returning to Haven. Now.”

Cassandra’s insistence was rather surprising, not that Cordelia hadn’t appreciated the idea of returning. Her fatigue was getting worse and sleeping on the ground was doing terrible things to her back. Her mana was fluctuating wildly, a fact she was going to have to do research in secret about somehow. Or write First Enchanter Meredith on what she knew regarding mage pregnancies.

She still had to laugh at Josephine's words regarding Ostwick. Apparently their liberal nature was the Chantry’s best kept secret. No wonder she and Elias had been able to get married and there were almost non-existent incidents of the rite of tranquility.

Yes, Ostwick had had problems. Every place did. But it worked, better than any other circle she knew of.

She snapped to focus as Cassandra and the others hurriedly gathered their things and loaded them on the horses. Dennet had been incredibly kind enough to loan them two horses and a pony for Varric. She’d rode with Solas back to Haven. Her feet barely touched the ground before she was dragged into the Chantry.

“What’s going on here?”

She sounded just like that echo of herself at the Temple of Sacred Ashes. “Ah, Lady Herald,” Leliana said with a friendly smile that instantly made Cordelia nervous. They took her into what she believed was Josephine and Leliana’s bed chambers and closed the door behind her.

“Have a seat.”

As nice as that would be she’d rather go to the safety of her cabin. Something about this whole set up made her feel queasy. However she did as Leliana commanded and looked between the Spymaster and the Seeker. “Might I ask why I’m here?”

“Are you comfortable?”

“I’ll be fine for now. What’s going on?”

Leliana looked at her, the polite smile she’d worn replaced by a serious expression. “I believe we might ask you the same question,” she said. Cordelia glanced up at Cassandra with confusion who, in turn, looked at her with a similar expression before turning back to Leliana. “You said there was some issue regarding the Herald’s safety and that we should return immediately,” the Seeker stated. “What was it?”

Leliana produced a letter bearing the seal of the Ostwick circle. “A week ago, we received an urgent letter regarding your safety from First Enchanter Meredith. A letter informing us of some very sensitive information.”

Cordelia swallowed at the urge to run. “Go on.”

“In it she asks if it’s true that you were the only survivor. She also wanted to send her and Knight Commander Osborn’s deepest sympathies at the loss of your husband.”

Cassandra looked at the spymaster in shock. “Mages cannot get married,” the woman decreed. “There must be some mistake.”

“Ostwick Circle has a very well hidden reputation of not operating like other Circles,” Leliana explained. “That includes a rather lax set of rules regarding fraternization. Our Herald was indeed married, albeit without the Chantry’s authorization. Your husband, Elias Trevelyan, was the official representative from Ostwick at the gathering and he insisted you come with him.”

“Elias was very popular and his being chosen as the representative surprised no one. He wanted me there for moral support. He always wanted me around for moral support even when he did everything fine on his own.”

Leliana went over to Josephine’s desk and poured some tea into a cup while Cassandra just stared at her. “As utterly jaw dropping as this revelation is,” the Seeker stated while Leliana handed the cup to Cordelia, “I fail to see where the safety of the Herald was in question so much that we had to return with haste.”

“As grateful as I am to be out of the wilderness and away from the violence, I have to agree with Lady Cassandra.” She made a face at the bitter brew. “Unless Elias’ parents suddenly changed their minds and now that he’s dead they feel some sort of responsibility or anger towards me.”

“They have yet to contact us and Josephine has not done so to them as yet.”

Cordelia took another sip of the tea in spite of the horrible taste. “Is this the kind of tea Lady Josephine normally drinks?” she asked. “It’s terrible!”

“That would be the bitter herbs. Unfortunately no amount of sweetener can take away the taste of it.”

Cordelia took another drink, confusion prominent. “Why in the world would our ambassador drink bitter herb tea?” she questioned. Leliana smiled coldly. “Oh she wouldn’t. Unless she suddenly found herself pregnant.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said... it gets dark. I'm not normally one who can write dark things. Angst I can usually do but only in small amounts. I hope this is the only time aside from a certain couple of events in Auron Black I will ever go dark like this. This chapter is dedicated to imjusthereforthefanporn (I hope I spelled your username right!) because they gave me the word I was looking for and they had no clue I was trying to fucking find it!
> 
> Thank you. I now know the word "abortifacient".
> 
> Edited & Reuploaded on January 19th, 2016

Her blood ran like ice through her veins and she dropped the teacup. The china shattered on the ground as a wave of nausea hit her. Panic set in. “What have you done to me?” she screamed. 

“What must be done.” Leliana’s voice was eerily calm as she spoke.

Cordelia’s stomach began to hurt with unparalleled pain and she slid out of the chair, fighting against the urge to pass out. Cassandra finally seemed to snap back to reality. She made to grab hold of Cordelia but the mage let loose a mind blast that knocked both women off their feet.

“DON’T TOUCH ME!!!”

Everything moved both slowly and in a blur around her as she desperately attempted to flee the Chantry. Cullen tried to stop her in order to figure out what was going on, but she knocked him away and hobbled towards the front doors of the Chantry.

“Commander, stop her!”

He cast a smite upon her and the combined pain of it and the toxic compound Leliana had fed her caused Cordelia to slip into unconsciousness.

 

~ ( v . v ) ~ 

 

She was drowning and blind. 

The water was dark, deep and she only sank  more as she flailed against it. Something grabbed her by the hair and wrenched her upwards. Her mouth opened in a pained scream, letting the water rush into her mouth. She couldn’t breath.

“Half elven cunt!” a voice hissed. “He’s dead, and now his child dies because of you!”

What felt like a searing knife slashed deep inside her abdomen and her entrails spilled out from her body. “You should have never been born!”

“Get away from her, Demon!”

Solas?

The hand that was gripping her hair released and a howl of pain not hers resonated through the air. Light pricked through the darkness permeating her vision and she was no longer surrounded by water. She sputtered and coughed, vomiting out the water which had filled her to bursting.

Warm, comforting waves surrounded her and she felt her insides return to the places they should be. “Thank goodness,” she heard the elf say and looked at him. “I am here now.”

“Why have you come?”

Solas looked at her. “They cannot wake you. What happened, my friend? They will not explain why you were knocked unconscious.”

“Leliana has poisoned me. She gave me tea laced with something to cause my body to flush out my baby while she explained of a letter the First Enchanter from Ostwick had written.” His expression went from confusion to horror to controlled anger at her words. “Did Cassandra know?” His voice was far too calm to be genuine.

“I doubt it. She was in shock until I tried to leave. I attacked her in blind panic and did the same to Cullen trying to get out of the Chantry and to you. Solas, my baby-”

He grabbed her, holding her against him in a secure hug. “It is fine,” he assured her. “Everything will be fine. But you must wake up, my friend. The longer you sleep like this-”

“I will not return to a place where they think slaughtering my unborn baby is something that must be done!” she shouted.

“Leliana will be dealt with. She will suffer more than she could imagine should any harm come to your child from this betrayal. I swear it.”

She blinked at him, his vowed causing her held back tears to spill forth. “If I wake and this is all a dream… If my eyes should open and my child is lost, I will gladly stand by and let Thedas be swallowed by chaos,” she said as anger replaced her sadness.

She felt the pull of waking on her mind and let it grasp her from the Fade.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leliana is in SO much trouble. I'm probably in a bit of trouble myself.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short but the darkness is over with. I think. Still a bit of angst. Short because I've been really tired for some unknown reason. And I do well banging out short chapters.

Cordelia grimaced as she came to. Her whole body hurt, but that didn’t stop her from bolting upright and clutching her stomach and shirt front. Terror filled her as she looked around. She was not in her cabin, and Solas was not anywhere in sight.

Stone walls surrounded her. A few candles to light the room. She was back in the Chantry, in someone’s room. She tried to focus, feeling for the life of her unborn child. _ Please, _ she prayed.  _ Please let it- _

Relief wove through her as she felt the tiny life force within. Small, yet strong and constant. A shuddering exhale of breath escaped her. She’d never been religious, too much of a realist was Elias’ reasoning, but right now she was willing to thank the Maker or whatever deity existed for the not so small miracle.

If Leliana had succeeded…

The thought trailed off and rage filled her. That evil conniving  **bitch** ! She’d fed Cordelia a miscarriage inducing tea willingly and without her consent just because she thought that it was something she had to do?! To the Void with that woman!

_ Maker, give me strength, _ Cordelia thought.  _ What if Leliana tries again or someone else makes an attempt? _ Panic replaced anger and Cordelia's hands clutched her stomach. “I will die before I let anything happen to you,” she swore. “So don’t you worry…”

The door to the room opened slowly and Cassandra entered. “Herald,” she said somberly.

“You’d better not be here to finish the job because I will-”

“I would never be party to such a thing,” Cassandra spoke, possibly far louder than she intended to as her expression quickly turned regretful. A heavy silence hung between them. “Why did you not tell anyone?”

“We barely known each other, and so far your only concerns have been if I was contagious and that I can seal the Breach. As grateful as I am for your lack of scheming, Lady Cassandra, I could not bring myself to be that trusting over such a short period of time.”

“I...understand that these times have not been the most inspiring. But still, you should have told someone. Did Solas know?”

“He apparently sensed something during my examinations but until I was conscious, he had no way of knowing for certain. And if you even think about punishing him for that, so help me-”

Cassandra held up her hands. “I will not. There has been enough regrettable actions in regards to this whole incident. I do not wish to invoke any more." Silence again before she asked, "Are you alright? Is there something, anything I can get you?”

“I need Solas.”

Cassandra nodded and with a bow, left. When she was alone again, Cordelia looked down at her abdomen. “Well that went better than expected,” she said. “What do you think, little one?”


	9. Chapter 9

“You have to be kidding me,” Cordelia declared, looking at the war leaders exasperatedly. “Everyone knows now?!”

“It has been nearly impossible to quell the rumors after, well…”

Cordelia scowled and stared at the map before her. “I understand that, Josephine, but what I would like to know is how?” she demanded. “Until now I was doing well in convincing everyone I was just ill trying to adjust to the mark. Well mostly everyone.”

“Apparently your magical outburst and the ensuing scrambling caused a few people to become aware of the situation before we could get it under control,” Cullen explained. Cordelia raised her eyebrows at him. “You said outburst the same way another person would say tantrum,” she observed. “I hope that’s not how you feel about my attempts to defend myself, Commander.”

His eyes widened in response, his handsome (did she just honestly think of handsome?) face turning into a scowl. “That is not what I meant,” Cullen stated. Dark brown eyes studied him and he sighed.

“The point is we still need to perform damage control,” Josephine declared. “Going to Val Royeaux now to speak with the clerics is now an immediate concern. The longer we continue to let them speak out unchallanged, the wilder and more disparate they will become.”

“Then I should head there as soon as possible.”

“We have another problem to deal with before then,” Cullen spoke up. Cordelia stared at him. “I assume you mean our spymaster and resident poisoner?” she inquired. He nodded and let out a heavy sigh. Cordelia wasn’t the only one who disapproved of Leliana’s actions. “We need her talents if the Inquisition wishes to function properly. We don’t have anyone else qualified or capable, not to the degree we need at any rate.”

“Are you honestly asking me what I think you are, Commander?”

“I have men,  _ truste _ d men who can guard her and report on her actions,” he said. “And she has sworn she will not make another attempt on you.”

Cassandra spoke up, “Josephine, Varric and I will keep an eye on her and any missives she writes should she try and pass along a message. Also, Solas has volunteered to either cook your food himself or test it for any poisons.”

“As much as your words are meaning to comfort me, I’m still more than a little offended. She fed me an abortifacient without my knowledge or permission while interrogating me about my marriage. A marriage she only discovered by reading a letter meant for me from my First Enchanter! I beg your pardon if I don’t exactly jump at the offer to reinstate her no matter how many assurances you give me.”

“No one is going to deny you have legitimate concerns,” Josephine tried to ease her worry, though words would do little to help. “They are more than well founded and to be honest you have yet to have time to build up any amount of trust with us. But let me assure you, you and your safety are our utmost concern. That includes ensuring your pregnancy goes to term and your baby is also protected.”

“Lady Trevelyan, I swear I will not let anything happen to you or your child,” Cullen vowed, soft and firm. His voice and words mirrored her own earlier vow and she felt a small flutter in the pit of her stomach. A flutter she hadn’t felt since before Elias died.  _ Oh this was not good. _

“Where is she at right now? If I’m going to let that  _ person _ anywhere near me, I’d better speak to her face to face.”

Cassandra escorted her to the prison area below the Chantry where they approached the cell. Cordelia admitted she was rather surprised she’d stayed within her prison. She was no doubt a rogue of skill; she could have easily escaped. Leliana was kneeling at her cot, praying to the Maker. Even after everything she’d done and witnessed she had faith? Of course she did.

“They tell me the Inquisition can’t function without you,” Cordelia stated, her tone harsh. “Apparently you are invaluable.”

“I have always tried to do what I thought was right.”

Cordelia stiffened with anger and she grabbed the bars of the cell. Her knuckles turned white. “Even if your actions meant ending my pregnancy and thus giving me no reason to care about this world?” she snarled.

“I thought it was best given the alternatives.”

Cordelia laughed, a hollow sound that echoed throughout the stone room. “What you thought was wrong,” she stated. “Your actions were unforgivable! The only reason we’re talking right now and I don’t flay you alive is because my child still lives.”

“You keeping your baby is a poor decision. How do you expect to do your job and seal the rifts in your condition?”

“I expect to do it the same way I’ve done everything,” Cordelia explained, “by simply doing it. With everything I have and no holding back.” Leliana looked at her with a raised eyebrow. Oh how Cordelia wanted to slap that ivory skinned face.

“Do you honestly believe the Maker wants this from you?” Leliana asked. Cordelia smirked at her as she replied to the question.  “I haven’t believed in the Maker since I was a child. I lost faith when Elias’ parents abandoned him because he showed signs of magic. He willingly handed himself over to the templars. Do you know why he did that? Because I was being surrendered to them and he wasn’t going to let me go alone.”

The eyebrow fell and Leliana just looked at her. “His parents were going to hire private teachers to school him. My magic surfaced a year after his own, but I was merely a charge in their care as far as his parents were concerned. So when the templars came to get me, he went with us despite everything his parents’ tried to do to dissuade him. He was a good man, one of the best I have ever met. And  _ you _ tried to destroy the only piece of him I have left.”

The silence hung like a heavy blade suspended by a string.

“You are a vile, heinous woman who I would love to see tortured and fed alive to Darkspawn. If you ever try anything like this again, I will gladly watch the entire world burn and laugh as the Inquisition fails to bring order to the chaos. I may be alone. I may not have much power, but I have one thing that no one else does: the ability to seal rifts and the Breach. Did your little plan have a backup in case I committed suicide?”

Her silence spoke volumes. “I didn’t think so.” Cordelia moved away from the bars and turned to look at Cassandra. “Let her return to her duties. But I swear on the Maker-”

“I understand,” the Seeker said in a firm tone. Cordelia left and Cassandra walked over to unlock the jail door. Leliana snorted wryly. “She honestly believes she can raise a child by herself?” the Spymaster asked as she headed to leave. “How-”

Cassandra’s face contorted and she grabbed Leliana, pinning her to the wall. “You will be quiet and listen to me!” she snarled. “You are a snake! Of all the things I ever thought you would do, this was something above and beyond the darkest tasks you could ever stoop to.”

Leliana grunted but couldn’t move. “And you think we should have let her continue to pretend like nothing was wrong?” she hissed.

“I think you should have spoken with her and me before you did something that could have easily destroyed more lives! Do you think Justinia would have seen this as kind of thing and agreed?”

Leliana’s lip curled in disgust. “Justinia is dead and we are stuck with a pregnant mage of questionable means as the only hope for the world. At least if we’d only still have half the problem if I’d been successful.”

“She would have found a way to kill herself. Or allowed herself to be possessed. I know her threats are not idle, Leliana. She is a good woman and she’s what we need. And I will die protecting her if I must.”

Leliana laughed in disbelief. “Really? You’d throw away your life for someone you’ve just met? You honestly think Andraste and the Maker spared her life while so many good, better people died?”

“She is what we need and she needs us. There is no doubt in my mind of this. I will personally kill you if you try this sort of thing ever again.” Cassandra released her and stomped away in disgust.


	10. Chapter 10

They were going to Val Royeaux via carriage. Apparently, it would be easier on her than traveling on horseback, although she didn’t really understand it. “I hope we’ll be picking up supplies as well if you insist on a carriage,” Cordelia warned. “I’m not letting comfort override necessity.”

Josephine assured her that it would be a fully appropriate method of transportation to and from the capitol, so Cordelia let the subject be. “Let’s pray this does some good,” the mage said as they left. Varric decided to keep her occupied with questions and stories on their journey from Haven.

“So the Seeker says you were actually married in the Circle,” the dwarf said. She nodded, her eyes staring out through the window. “A little more than a year.”

“First comes love, then comes marriage, huh? How did you manage that?”

“Ostwick is the Chantry’s best kept secret. We’re called the quiet circle because until this war, we were the most prosperous mage home. The templars and we worked well together, families and bonds were formed and we all tried to look out for one another. Demon possessions were few and far between. Rules may have been bent on occasion, but our First Enchanter and Knight Commander did whatever it took to make sure everyone was safe, happy, and healthy.”

“Okay, I get that, but how did you manage to get married without Chantry approval?” Varric asked again.

“The Knight Commander serves as the Chantry’s unofficial voice more often than not. So after pleading our case and deliberating with First Enchanter Meredith for a few days, Osborne performed the ceremony.”

Cassandra looked conflicted and Cordelia asked her what was wrong. “I cannot help but wonder if they would have taken your child away should everything have worked out like everyone had hoped.” Cordelia glanced back at the window and thought quietly for a few minutes. “I do not know. The women at our circles take good precautions when it comes to getting pregnant, so children being born into the circle was rare. But with how important familial bonds seemed to be and how taking a baby away from it's parents usually ends in disaster and heartbreak, I seriously doubt Meredith would have done that.”

“How did he take the news?”

She laughed at the memory. “Oh Maker, Elias was like a child on his Name Day who was getting Winter’s End presents early! All the time I was scared out of my wits, that man was thrilled beyond measure. He-”

She couldn’t continue as the grief hit her once again and tears stung her eyes. “May we change the subject please?” she asked. Varric quickly went on to one of his anecdotes involving the Champion of Kirkwall while Cordelia leaned back into her seat. She closed her eyes, breathing in and out in a calm controlled manner to regain her composure before the flood gates opened up again.

The grief will pass.

One day.

Far away from now.


	11. Chapter 11

A scout greeted them at the gates upon arriving, informing them that the Templars and members of the Chantry were gathered to meet them. “They seem to think the Templars will protect them from the Inquisition, your ladyship.”

“More like protect them from the blasphemous Herald of Andraste,” Cordelia commented. She had a bad feeling this was not going to end well.

She was right, of course.

“We say you are a false prophet,” the chantry mother said. “Behold! The Templars have returned to deal with the likes of you who pretend to know the maker’s plans!” The prostrating woman was promptly punched in the back of the head and knocked unconscious.

She almost wanted to thank the Lord Seeker for that little display. However, his rantings about heretical movements and Templars deserving recognition quickly quashed that. “You have shown me nothing and the Inquisition less than nothing! All I see before me is a mage whore who has fooled everyone into believing lies.”

Her eye twitched with fury. “You sound like a low level thug who grasps for things his ego tells him he deserves purely for his own sake!” she countered. “Have you forgotten that Templars work for the people? They pledge to a life of sacrifice without expectation of recognition! What you say goes against the very ideal these men and women stand for!”

“You will be silent or my sword will cut out your poisonous tongue!” he snarled.

“Is that how you deal with things now? Threatening violence upon people who only come to talk?!” she demanded. “Templars, join with us as Cullen did! You can help make a difference and end this horror before more lives are lost! Do not forget the very pledges you took!”

“I SAID ENOUGH!”

Lucius let loose a blast of magic that knocked not only Cordelia and Cassandra down to the ground, but also managed to injure several citizens in its wake. “We will no longer stay and listen to a heretic who lays with demons and spouts falsehoods to sway nobles warriors to her cause. Templars, come! Val Royeaux is unworthy of our protection.”

They left, but not all of them. Apparently, Lucius’ little attack seemed to dissuade several of the templars from marching off to wherever he was destined to go, including the one who had been standing with the Chantry Mothers during their speech.

“That was no Templar ability,” Cordelia observed. “That was a concentrated blast of telekinetic energy.”

“I cannot believe this,” Cassandra said helping the Herald to her feet and checking on the citizens Lucius had hit. None were badly injured, but the love for the Order had certainly taken a hit. “Has the Lord Seeker gone mad? His actions were beyond reproach! I’ve never seen him like this.”

“So much for our getting the Templars on our side,” Varric stated.

The templar from earlier approached them with the group that had stayed behind. “Lady Herald? I am Knight Captain Barris,” he introduced. “I am afraid that it looks as if most of the Templars of Val Royeaux have now left.”

“Are you not going to go as well?” Cordelia inquired.

“Not after that display, ma’am. I did not join the Order just to watch as it’s leaders spew blasphemy and attack innocent people in the streets under the guise of justice. With your permission, I and whatever soldiers I have wish to join you. Although we may not have enough strength to help you seal the Breach, those who have stayed behind are excellent fighters.”

“Thank you, Ser Barris. The Inquisition needs all the help it can get and welcomes you to the cause. We will meet you and your soldiers in Haven as soon as we are finished with our business here.”

He bowed and the group of Templars walked away. Cordelia sighed wearily. “Are you alright,  _ ma fallon _ ?” Solas asked. “Do you need me to get you anything?”

“A world that makes sense would be nice,” Cordelia mused with a smile. Varric grinned. “I think we’d all appreciate that, Beautiful,” the dwarf said. Shaking his head, he continued, “Nope, not quite right. I’ll think of a good one though. Just you watch.”

“A good what?” she wondered. He grinned with a mischievous wink. “Why a nickname of course! I give one to all my friends!”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you SilentSlayer for giving me that youtube link.

Once they finished with the Chantry, she was challenged with a scavenger hunt, an invitation to a salon, and asked to meet Grand Enchanter Fiona in Redcliffe to discuss the mages helping her close the Breach. “Can we not negotiate here?” Cordelia asked.

Fiona insisted it would need to happen at Redcliffe since she was far too vulnerable if she was gone from there for long. So, Cordelia acquiesced and let the leader of the Mage Rebellion go with a weak promise that she would think on the offer.  “Let’s finish the rest of our business here and return to Haven,” Cordelia stated.

Her companions unanimously agreed.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Cordelia dodge a fireball hurled in her direction from a masked Orlesian as she opened the door. “The Herald of Andraste?” he cried out in shock and just a hint of pleasure. “How much did it set back your precious Inquisition to discover my plans?”

Cordelia stared at the man blankly. “Forgive me, ser, but I honestly have no idea who you are. I was just told come to this place.”

He, however, was not buying the truth she offered, and ultimately received an arrow to the head from a strange female elf with badly cut blonde hair. Her name was Sera, and she’d apparently stolen the pants of all the reinforcements that came after them not too long after a very quick introduction, much to Cordelia’s bewilderment.

Finally, enemies were put down and after a very dizzying exchange of words which barely made sense, Sera joined the Inquisition.

Cordelia had a feeling Sera was going to be life’s way of helping her deal with things should her child live to become a teenager.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

She’d never been to a party before. Well one perhaps, but that had been because Elias had insisted she attend his name day party when they were children before either of their magic had surfaced. Still that was monumentally different than a get together held in the home of the Grand Enchanter.

She still found it strange that a mage, even one of such a high position, had a home and could hold social events. Things were so… different in Orlais. Cordelia also felt a little underdressed for the first time in her life. She was there in her field outfit at a nice place as a guest of someone obviously important, and she hadn’t even bothered to change into something a little nicer.

Cordelia inhaled deeply before entering. As her mentor had told her once, “If you hold your head high and firmly enough, the people who matter won’t notice what you are wearing, except as a small side note. One they’ll ultimately dismiss.”

Time to see just how good Lydia’s advice had been.

“Lady Cordelia Trevelyan of Ostwick, representing the Inquisition.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> re-edited and uploaded on 22/1/2016

Cassandra was… quiet.

Unnervingly quiet.

“Copper for your thoughts, Seeker?” Varric asked in a teasing manner. Cassandra shot him her signature frown reserved just for him. “It is not your concern,” she assured him, but Cordelia caught the warrior’s eyes glancing at her briefly before turning to look out the window of the carriage.

Cordelia had that feeling in her gut again; the one that said things were about to get complicated.

Solas offered her some food to help keep her stomach stable, a gesture she was sure was partially made to keep her mind off troublesome events. In particular, a small cake from a Val Royeaux bakery was one of the objects given as a distraction. She insisted they split it, to which he seemed all too happy to do.

Marbled swirls of white and dark chocolate pastry covered in a layer of strawberry tasting fondant. Cordelia moaned in delight. “Oh that is good!” she sighed. Varric feigned a pout. “What? No sharing with the group?” he teased.

“I’ll knit you a scarf as an apology,” the dark haired mage retorted. “If I ever get the money to purchase wool and knitting needles.”

This statement caused Cassandra to look at her perplexed. “Have you not received any spending money? I thought Josephine would have given you a little coin before we left.”

“Why would she do that?” came Cordelia’s confused response. “The Inquisition is already feeding and providing me housing. I feel bad enough stealing a few changes of small clothes from the requisitions officer.”

The look she got from her companions made her shift uncomfortably. “It was out of necessity that I did it, alright?” she proclaimed defensively, looking away from their judging gazes.

“Snapdragon, you do realize they also provide you clothing right?” Varric asked her. “And if I’m getting the odd bit of coin from them, you certainly should have gotten some before we left for Val Royeaux. Seeker, I think you might wanna have a talk with our Ambassador when we get back. Somebody should have really explained to her how things work.”

“Indeed,” Solas agreed, disapproval in his eyes. “You should have asked me, Cordelia. I could have gotten something for you. Now I understand why you did not ask to go shopping while we were in the city.”

“We were there on business, not some pleasure cruise!” Cordelia huffed. “It wouldn’t have been right.”

“And yet when you accompanied us on our own treks, you said nothing against it.”

Cordelia flushed in guilty embarrassment. “That was different. It was your money and business to do,” she said, swallowing.

“Oh for the love of the Maker!” Cassandra sighed in exasperation. “You refused to eat anything at the cafe because you couldn’t pay for it, didn’t you?! You lied about feeling nausea just so we wouldn’t get suspicious!”

Her mouth opened, but she couldn’t defend herself at that one. “So if I had not insisted you eat the remainder of my meal, the snacks I had just given you would have been the first time you’d eaten in a day?” Solas asked, his voice controlled though it was apparent he was furious.

The carriage ride back to Haven was far less pleasant than the one leaving it. Cordelia only felt she had herself to blame for that.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter and the following story arc goes to imjusthereforthefanporn. It was their idea for this whole arranged marriage bit and I'm using it & giving them the props they deserve. If you have any ideas involving story parts for any of my stuff share them and you will be given credit. Hell, if imjusthereforthefanporn keeps giving me workable ideas, you awesome mother-fecker are getting either gifted or co-writers credit.

“It would seem the simplest solution is for the Herald to get married.”

The world was dancing in a dizzying waltz and Cordelia was being swallowed by it. Once they’d returned to Haven, Cassandra and the others pulled her into the war room and went from discussing the events at the capitol to…

Well she wasn’t exactly sure how to define this new trek into madness.

“I appologize but could you possibly reverse this conversation by about two minutes and really explain where we went from me not having any pocket money to I need to get bloody married?!”

She ran a hand over the top of her chocolate brown hair in attempt to calm herself. “And may I remind you, I  _ am _ married! He may be dead but Elias Trevelyan is my husband.”

Leliana frowned at her. “A marriage not ordained by the Chantry will only further damage our reputation more so than your… condition will once word spreads. Lord Seeker Lucius’ accusations may have been false about you sleeping with demons, but it can quickly be used to further claims of you being a heretic. After all, only a fanatic would believe Andraste or the Maker would save a pregnant mage.”

“Leliana,” Cassandra said warningly. The spymaster cocked her head in the Seeker’s direction. “I’m only speaking bluntly to ensure everyone is aware of this,” she explained. “You must admit, Cassandra, this does not look good. Nor will it look remotely better as time passes. How do you expect to disguise her from prying eyes when she grows too large to hide it?”

“Oh so I see we’re returning to the reasons why you tried to poison me already?” Cordelia accused. “Would you like to fix me something to eat as well?”

Leliana scowled at her and Josephine cleared her throat. “As unfortunate as the situation is,” the ambassador spoke, “having you wed to someone who is unquestionably loyal to the Inquisition, and who will not mind becoming the perceived father to your child is the best course of action. There is too much we need you to do for us to hide you away until you give birth and recover.”

_ Oh Elias, give me strength. _

Cordelia pressed her fingertips into her temples to relieve the tension of a blossoming headache. “Do you honestly realize how insane this plan is? Ignoring the fact for a moment I will never agree to this debacle: how in the world are you going to find a man willing to-”

“I’ll do it.”

All eyes turned to look at the stoic faced commander who had been silent this entire time.

Leliana looked pleased at his volunteering.

Cassandra looked grim faced.

Josephine looked thoughtful.

Cordelia was just plain horrified.

Cullen straightened his back and made himself appear even taller. “I don’t see a better candidate, and the only ones we have in the know as of this moment are Varric and Solas.” Cordelia shook her head emphatically no. “Absolutely not! Commander, I appreciate the sentiment, but this is beyond ridiculous. I will not, and cannot get married.”

“That may be your only option,” Josephine slowly said. “For a moment, let us consider what can befall us if you choose to stay unwed and your pregnancy comes to light with no husband to shield you from the storm. Even if you were not the Herald of Andraste, it would be difficult for any normal woman expecting to carry it to term and keep a baby safe with no one to assist. You are a mage, my Lady, which puts you in an even more precarious place. Add in you new title with that and you will find it impossible.”

“Even if we could send you back to Ostwick, they would not be able to protect you,” Cassandra sadly noted. “There would be far too much risk.”

They were right. But that did not mean she had to agree to him being her husband. As if it was bad enough people assumed Andraste  _ had _ rescued her, her only suitable choice was the commander of the Inquisition’s armies?! “And what will you do when they start drawing comparisons to the Maferath and Andraste with me and the esteemed Commander?” she demanded angrily. Looking at Cullen, she asked, “Did you think of that before volunteering to throw your life and any potential ability to have a decent family or love into the privy?”

He was silent as were they all. “And another thing! You seem to also forget an official marriage has to be consummated at least once under the watchful gaze of Chantry officials. Who would we get to watch that display, hmm? Mother Giselle? Perhaps Chancellor Roderick?” The silence was growing seriously uncomfortable.

“I will not get remarried. We will find another way!”

Cordelia turned on her heel and left, anger burning within her. There was no way she would - could ever get married again. Her child only had one father and he was gone to wherever the dead went.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also I swear that whole "officials watching the consummation of a marriage thing" has real historical basis. The Catholic church was into some messed up shit back in the medieval times. If it wasn't then go me for adding more uncomfortable crap to the mix. I'm an asshole.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry and yet not sorry. I am a bad, bad girl.

She sat on the bed in Solas’ cabin trying to calm her shaking hands. “Honestly, I should be in the cabin the Inquisition has been letting me stay in instead of yours,” she told him as he handed her some tea. “You have enough problems to deal with of your own.”

“I do not mind. Besides, it was obvious you were in distress when I saw you leave the Chantry.”

She took a sip, letting the liquid warm her. Solas sat across from her at his desk. “May I ask what happened?” His blue eyes stared at her with concern. Cordelia sighed. “I honestly don’t know where to begin. We went from discussing what happened in Val Royeaux to…” She could barely form the words she needed. “They think that if I get married to someone the Inquisition’s reputation will not be dealt as harsh a blow when it is found out I am with child.”

His eyes widened at this. It was certainly not something anyone would have expected to be brought up.

“I just cannot understand how they think I will agree to that!” Cordelia said, exasperation thick in her voice. “And then Commander Cullen volunteers to be my fake husband?!”

“Would it be an actual wedding?” the apostate wondered out loud. She nodded. “With no doubt all the official documentations and watching of the marriage’s consummation,” she practically spit out. “Another reason why I refuse to go through with that charade! Commander Cullen is handsome enough I suppose, but I cannot bring myself to have sex with someone I do not love any more than I could attempt to marry them! It’s wrong! I realize that marriage means many different things to many different people but I married Elias out of love! And what of the Commander? He will lose out on the ability to eventually have a proper wife and family by attaching himself to me. And what if he falls in love with someone? What then?! Will he hide them away out of the public eye?! Or would he prefer to show them off and spend every waking moment he can with her once all this is over with, while I’m left in a corner secured in the knowledge he protected me and my child?”

Solas was silent as she got to her feet and began pacing.

“Did you know I’m half elven?”

He looked up at her in surprise. “My mother was human. She and her family worked for the Trevelyans for generations. She fell in love with a Dalish hunter. From what I was informed, the clan was not kind when their relationship was brought to light. He was ordered to cut ties with my mother and bond with an elven woman within the clan to quote ‘clean the clan’s reputation of shemlen filth.’ He did and it killed her. She lasted barely a year before she took her life. All for a man who put reputation and duty above everything. I was 5 years old and watched her empty a bottle of poison while weeping for him.”

His eyes softened with sympathy and grief. “Ir abelas,” he said. She shook her head. “It’s all right. Lucky for me until the day my magic surfaced, the Trevelyans were kind enough to take me in and care for me. Not as if I was their own, but they did take good care of me. A part of me will always be grateful.”

She blinked, realizing she’d gone off topic.”The point is, if there was really even a point to my rant, is that I take relationships and vows very seriously. Being locked into a marriage with someone and forcing my child to be under their charge because the Inquisition needs it’s reputation protected is not something I will agree to.”

The cabin was quiet as neither one said a word, heavy silence hung between them. A knock sounded followed by Commander Cullen’s voice broke the tension. “Lady Trevelyan?” he called.

Solas got up from his seat, went to the door, and opened it. “No, but I would be happy to answer for her,” he stated in a very deadpan manner.

“Very funny,” the commander retorted in a voice that showed he thought it was anything but. “I know she’s in there.”

“No one is denying it,” the elf shot back with a raised eyebrow.

“I need to speak with her.”

Cordelia frowned. “There’s nothing left to speak about, Commander,” she informed him. Cullen glanced behind him. “I will embarrass all three of us quite badly unless you let me in,” he threatened.

“I believe he is quite serious, falon.”

She let out a scoff and crossed her arms over chest defiantly. “What in world does he think he can do? Order his soldiers to carry me out of here?!”

“You will not deny me the right of knowing my child!” Cullen said in a voice just loud enough to cause several people outside to turn and look in the direction of Solas’ cabin curiously. More so because it was the commander himself who said it. Even Solas’ mask of carefully placed indifference broke at the human’s wording. Cordelia just looked at him, agape. “What?!” she mouthed at him.

“By my word I never meant for this to happen, but please allow me to do the right thing! I truly believe Andraste delivered you not just to save the world, but so that I can have a second chance and prove to you I can be the man worthy of you! Cordelia, I beg of you to give me that chance!”

Well, Solas admitted to himself, the Commander’s method of choice was certainly not what he’d expected. Although whether it was the most tactically appropriate route would be up to Cordelia, who looked absolutely livid.

Hurriedly, she went over to the door and grabbed him by the neck of his armor and dragged him inside. Solas closed the door behind them. “Shall I leave so you can discuss this matter privately?” he questioned reaching for his staff.

“Void take you, Solas! I will burn your lodgings down if you leave me alone with this insane man who has just let everyone think I’m pregnant with his child!” Cordelia swore. She let sparks fly from her fingers as proof and the elven male stood right where he was with a nod. She turned her brown eyes upon Cullen and took a deep breath.

“Are you out of your bloody mind?!” she exclaimed. “Why would you just-”

“I did warn you I would embarrass us,” he reminded her, showing not an ounce of remorse or embarrassment on his end. “I am not a man who makes idle threats, Lady Trevelyan.”

“No, obviously you’re a man who decides to let everyone believe he’s knocked up the Herald of Andraste!”

“As well as marry her as way of regaining her honor,” Solas added. Cordelia glared at her friend. “You are not helping me, Solas,” she snapped. “Is it not bad enough that there was a rumor regarding the pair of us involved intimately before? Now everyone at best thinks you were providing protection for me from a sordid encounter the Commander and I had once or at worse, I’ve been having sex with both of you and  _ he _ should be the one to make an honest woman of me!”

“You weren’t exactly allowing me a proper way to convince you to continue the war room discussion.”

“Because the idea of forcing anyone to stay with me because of their duty to an organization or cause will destroy whatever chance of happiness they might have! Commander, I am a mage! You were a templar and so were sworn to keep people like myself under guard! Now you want to do something similar?”

“Is it so wrong to think that I would be willing to do this? That I would be agreeable to play husband and father to someone?”

“I don’t want a fake husband or for my child to be presented with a fake father!” she declared. Solas was grateful he’d placed a quick muffling ward on the cabin once the Commander entered because their voices were far too loud. “Well unfortunately you do not have a choice,” Cullen said, his honey brown eyes flashing. “Your options are limited and so are the Inquisition’s.”

“That may be so but you had no right to just place yourself in the line of fire! You cannot honestly be willing to… tie yourself to some pregnant mage! Unless you’re interested in men and have some kind of desire to cover it up through playing house.”

“I assure you, my lady, my tastes run towards women.”

“Then why the offer? Out of duty to the Inquisition?”

“Partly because it’s the right thing to do,” he stated. “As the Commander of the Inquisition’s forces I have given an oath to serve and do whatever roll is needed for me. I do believe this is one of them. Besides there is no one else qualified.”

“I will not be someone’s wife out of duty! My child will not be lied to! I will not allow it!”

“If I might interject,” Solas said helpfully. “Marriages are made for many reasons. And love can ultimately bloom when you least expect it. Especially amongst arranged marriages.”

Cordelia's face softened a little as she mulled on his words as Cullen nodded slowly. “However I don’t believe either one of us are deluded enough to think we could learn to love each other,” he stated. Cordelia visibly bristled at his words while Solas fought the urge to veil punch the ex-templar through the front door. A little too late Cullen finally realized that had been a bad thing to say.

_ “Get. Out.” _

Cordelia hissed at him through gritted teeth. Solas opened the door as Cullen opened his mouth to try and find some way to fix his monumental cock up. “I only meant-”

“To make me even more determinedly opposed to us being married? Bravo, Commander, you’ve succeeded beautifully! Leave before I set your armor on fire!”

He obeyed so he could avoid any further stupid moves on his part. Solas slammed the door behind the human male so hard that snow fell off the roof and onto Cullen with a loud whomp. Cullen’s frown deepened as he brushed it off of him. He skulked back to the Chantry to report to the others his failure to convince Lady Trevelyan to marry him. This was not going to go well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The road to true love never did run smoothly. 
> 
> Especially when it's being mapped out by an asshole. 
> 
> Namely: Me.


	16. Chapter 16

Almost.

Solas sat fuming inwardly at the fact that the stupid human commander had been so foolish as to speak blunt honesty. Solas had started to convince Cordelia that marriage was a sound and reasonable option, until that baffoon opened his mouth. .

Almost.

Solas took a drink from his goblet of wine and looked over at the woman who was sleeping in his bed. He felt pity for her. She was unaware how the real world worked; the conversation in the carriage ride back to Haven showed that much. Of course, he was not going to lay the blame for that whole incident completely upon her shoulders. He would just have to help her learn before their child.

He balked at his thoughts. That was not _ their _ child, he corrected himself. It was hers. He had no claim to its’ well being minus what she allowed him to have. He did feel a semblance of responsibility towards it. After all, the child would be permanently bound to him just it’s mother was now. However, he would not cross the invisible line that stood between parent and nonparent.

Solas took another drink and thought back to Commander Cullen’s failed attempt to get Cordelia to agree to marry him. Oh, he was certain ultimately it would have to happen now. The fool had all but backed Cordelia into a corner after that speech at his door. If the man wasn’t already suffering from nightmares, Solas would send him some rather terrifying ones as a thank you gift for that debacle.

But right now was not the time for thinking of punishments. He must speak with Cassandra about fixing this matter as quickly as possible. Another drink found his goblet empty and him sighing in resignation.

“Cordelia?” he said softly, hating the fact he had to wake her, but knowing if he suddenly left without notifying her she might be worried should she wake and he was gone. The dark haired woman hummed in response and made to sit up. A ghost of a smile crossed his lips for reasons he could not gather and he pushed her back down. “I need to go pick us up some food and speak with Lady Cassandra involving some matters. I will return soon.”

“Okay, Elias,” she said with a sleepy smile. A pang hit him as Solas readjusted the covers and his smile changed to a sad one. 

_ At least when she dreams of him she is happy _ , he thought. She was blessed in that regard. His own dreams of what he had lost so long ago, and in particular the one person who overshadowed even Mythal in his heart, were too far wallowed in sorrow for him to actively go to them.

Grabbing his staff, he left the warmth of the cabin and headed to the Chantry. The wards were up and the cabin door was locked so that only Cordelia could open it if she left. Solas was very secure in the knowledge that she would be safe until he returned. He prayed he had more success with Cassandra than with Cullen.


	17. Chapter 17

She snuggled next to Elias, his body warm and the scent of sage and wood ash filling her nostrils. “I cannot believe you managed to let us get married,” she said. His arms were securely around her as she looked up at him. “You are a miracle worker of some kind.”

“No, the miracle was getting you to agree to marry me in the first place,” he corrected with a teasing tone. She brushed some of his midnight black hair away from his face. “I know: I am extremely stubborn,” she admitted.

“Stubborn, beautiful, kind, talented. I can write sonnets about you and your qualities.”

He kissed her lips with a loving smile and she hummed with pleasure. “I would return the favor but I’m afraid I was never good with words,” she said. He laughed. “Yes, I recall. ‘Dear Elias, if you truly keep hounding me like this I will hang your small clothes out on a flagpole! I know that you only love me like a sister and you are acting otherwise. It makes people worried. Namely me,’” he recited.

“Oh by the Void,” she muttered, her cheeks flushing. “You were even more determined after that. I thought you’d lost your mind!”

“In all probability, I think I wasn’t completely all there, Cordie. I’ve always loved you. Maybe not in the same ways, but I have. I always will. Even if you end up marrying someone else to protect her, I will always love you. And I will always be here when you need me.” He placed a loving kiss on her forehead.

Cordelia stared at him in confusion. “Her?” she echoed. He motioned across the room and Cordelia looked over to where he pointed. In a rocking chair holding her infant daughter against his chest, sat Commander Cullen in full armor with a soft smile. She felt panic well up inside of her at this sight and she started breathing hard. “No. No, no, no, no, NO! Elias, this-”

“Everything will be allright, Cordie,” Elias soothed, his blue eyes staring at her with so much adoration it made her hurt. “Just have faith. Solas is coming back so you need to wake up.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas... Man I am exhausted.

His timing had been once again, impeccable.

Solas helped calm her down from the distress of her dream. He listened to her recount the events with a stoic expression. Her dream: rooted from a memory and turned into something else by some _ thing _ else. A Spirit perhaps? More than likely. If a demon had been at work, they would have tempted her or provided better ways of terror.

“I just- I could  _ smell _ him, Solas,” Cordelia insisted. “It was all him. His scent, his movements, everything was perfect. There wasn’t an ounce of something there shouldn’t have been until he pointed at…” She couldn’t bring herself to say 'Cullen holding her daughter' again.

“The Fade is vast and we still have no idea just how the mark affects you,” Solas stated, pouring a cup of water. He handed it to her. “However, I do not believe it was a demon.”

“I  _ know _ when a demon disguised approaches me, Solas. I've fought my share of them before. They can’t get that close to me without me smelling their scent of sulfur and rotting flesh. Spirits don’t have a scent. At least those I have come across did not. This  _ was _ him. I _ know _ it was him. But I cannot understand how, or  _ why _ !?”

“He loved you very much. Love, da’len, is one of the most powerful emotions in existence.”

A corner of her mouth twitched at his calling her da’len. “Did I suddenly increase in affection to you, Solas?” she asked, changing the subject. He blinked at her quizzically. “I went from falon to da’len quite suddenly.”

“Well you  _ are _ younger than I, and I have become your keeper for better or worse.”

She laughed with a nod. “That is most  _ certainly _ true,” she acknowledge with a grin. The smile left her face soon and she looked into her cup silently. “I don’t know what to do. He said have faith and everything will be all right. But I… the only thing in the world I had faith in was ripped away from me when the Conclave was destroyed. How do I-”

A knock on the door interrupted her words and Cordelia glared at it. “If that’s Commander Cullen again, he’s getting a fireball hurled right up his derriere,” she stated as Solas answered the door. He hid his amused smirk at her words and greeted Cassandra. “Seeker Cassandra. To what do we owe the pleasure?” he asked, stepping back to allow her inside.

“I just came to check on Lady Trevelyan,” she said. “And to loan her some books. Until we can get a few things settled, going to speak with the Mages or the Templars is being put on hold.”

Cordelia stared at the woman incredulously. “Really?! Because I won’t accept the idea of marriage to someone whose only interest is protecting the Inquisition’s reputation? The lot of you are just going to leave me cooped up in here?!” she asked. "Of all the petty, tyrannical-"

“It’s not like that. Not completely anyhow.” The seeker tried to find the words she needed. “It is apparently taking time for Josephine to gather the support of enough noble houses to ensure Lord Seeker Lucius will grant us audience.”

“And what about the mages at Redcliffe? While Lady Montilyet gathers the support I should go there and-”

“There was a report of giants lumbering outside the walls of Redcliffe village and we cannot allow you to travel there at this moment if it turns out to be true,” Cassandra informed her. “You understand.”

“Giants? In the Hinterlands?  _ Really _ ?!” Cordelia looked at Cassandra, not believing her tale for a second. “You  _ honestly _ expect me to believe such a ridiculous statement?! What next? Did you also spot a dragon flying around?”

Solas spoke up, “If you recall we did intercept a Templar’s note regarding dragons during one of our fights before, Cordelia.”

“But it wasn’t even close to the areas we would need to traverse through to get to Redcliffe village!” she countered. “Can't you see this as a way for them to keep me here until I agree to marry Commander Foot in Mouth?!”

“As unlikely as it seems that giants would be near Redcliffe, da’len, the disruption of the Breach on natural forces may have caused a few to leave their normal environments and take shelter elsewhere.”

Cordelia held out her hand, a stubborn look on her face. “Let me see this report,” she demanded. Cassandra and Solas both blinked. “If you wish for me to accept this ridiculous idea that I should just sit here for a while and read whatever combat training manuals Cassandra brought until the giants or nobility have been dealt with, then I want to see the report. Otherwise, I will don my armor, saddle my horse, and ride to Redcliffe on my own!”

A tense few moments passed before Cassandra nodded. “Very well, if that is what you wish. I will have a copy-”

“No. I want to see the original!” Cordelia insisted. "A copy is not proof! I cannot trust a copy. I must see the original report from the field!"

Solas sighed. “What if I go and verify this report of giants is real?” he offered. “The original report may not be available for us to see, but I can easily go and check the validity of this piece of parchment for you. Besides, I am certain Sister Nightingale or Commander Cullen may have it, and I do not believe at present you wish to have any interaction with either of them.”

“Are you going to check the source of the rumor or the paper? Because if it’s the area near Redcliffe, then I insist-”

He held his hand up to stop her. “The paper report is what I meant. I am very aware of what you would do should I try to go scouting. May I leave you in the Seeker’s care until I return?”

“Am I truly such a child that you cannot leave me alone for five minutes?” Cordelia huffed. Solas smiled in return. “Make sure she eats her vegetables while I’m gone,” he told Cassandra, dodging a pillow and leaving the cabin with a smile.


	19. Chapter 19

“A word, Commander.”

Cullen looked up from the reports in his hand to Solas. “Can it wait?” he asked. The elf raised an eyebrow at him.

“Certainly. And when you decide to place another helpless young woman in the position you’ve gotten the Herald, I’ll be sure to let someone else try and get you out of it.”

Cullen cringed visibly. “I did not mean to-”

“Do what, Ser? Embarrass her with false proclamations and promises in front of complete strangers outside my cabin before you made sure to tell her there was no hope of any kind of affection to grow between the pair of you as you lay claim to her child?!” Solas found himself unable to keep his long perfected control in tact. “Do not play dumb with me, Commander! You stood outside my door and listened to her speak about her heritage! Then when I had made progress into helping her deal, you blunty dash any hope she might have of happiness out of this entire debacle! Are you in the habit of acting like a fool when it comes to delicate matters or just incredibly cruel?!”

Cullen slammed his hand down on the war table, the place markers scattering at the force. “You have no idea how difficult this is for me,” he stated. “She deserves better - they both deserve better! I can not give her hope where there is none.”

“And who are you to decide there is no hope for the two of you to find happiness with each other?” Solas demanded.

“Because I don’t deserve to be happy, and she does.”

Solas stared at him appraisingly as a tense silence filled the air. “Would you be so kind as to elaborate on that?” the apostate inquired. “I have no doubt of what she deserves, Commander, but why are you so certain you do not deserve a chance?”

So he told him: about Kirkwall and the mage uprising in Kinloch Hold and his decision to stop taking lyrium. When he finished, Cullen stared at Solas expectantly. “Do you think I can honestly tell her she will be happy married to man like me? That she can learn to love someone who struggles to resist the call of lyrium while nightmares plague him night after night?”

The elf sighed. “I do not know,” he answered. “But it is unfair of you to place her in the position to let others know she is pregnant and think it is yours, then say what you did because you are afraid while wording it as condemnation. If anything, I believe you should have waited and spoken with her on a walk around the lake about these things.”

“That was what Cassandra said when I reported on my failure.”

Solas nodded. “Seeker Cassandra did have a few… choice things to say about you when I spoke to her earlier on ways we might fix this mess.”

Cullen chuckled. “Did you think of anything?” he asked, fixing the placement of the little statues on the war map. Solas nodded. “Cassandra will ‘lend’ her some choice reading material that paints arranged marriages in a romantic setting. Convincible works she assures me will at least crack open the slammed door so we may reintroduce the subject in a few days. Probably, before she leaves for Redcliffe once the giants have been dealt with.”

“There were no giants mentioned in any-” Cullen stopped as realization dawned on him. “You’re trying to buy some time.”

“An astute observation. Time is, unfortunately, not something we have in copious supply. The Breach is stable for now. However, her child grows every day and soon she will not be able to hide her condition easily from prying eyes and venomous tongues. We must act quickly. In order to succeed, you must do your best to convince her to marry you.”

“I am no poet nor romantic soul, Solas. I am a man of action, not words.”

Solas frowned. “Then have Varric give you advice if you must,” he said harshly. “Her child is possibly in more danger than she herself is, Commander. There are forces she is too naive to know of. Forces even darker than our Dear Sister Nightingale, who wished to have her miscarry to protect the Inquisition’s reputation.”

“What are you-”

“The Herald of Andraste gives birth to a child. No husband to speak of with no man making believable claim on its siring. How soon do you think it will be before fanatics gather together and plot to either kill it for being an abomination or kidnap it with all intents and purposes to worship it as hope of the Maker being born into flesh? A being brought by Andraste herself to usher in a new time of peace and deliverance? And if she were to have a daughter...”

Brown eyes widened in horror as he realized the truth behind Solas’ words. “They would claim the Herald has given birth to Andraste reborn and that was why she survived,” he uttered, his voice hoarse. “Maker’s breath.”

“Cordelia is already unaware of many ways the world works, Commander. She is strong and stubborn and will fight if forced to, but she is also afraid and lacks anything to have faith in. She needs you to help give her something to hold onto before she loses her grip and is left to drown. Even if it might be a false hope that she might have a second chance at love, it will be something.”

He turned towards the door. “I have said my peace and must return before she entertains the idea of going to Redcliffe on her own again. Think on what I have said to you.”


	20. Chapter 20

Solas convinced her that yes, there was a report of giants in the Hinterlands and no, it was not a plot to keep her ‘hostage’ as she liked to claim. She spent two days afterwards reading what Cassandra had had brought her: a rather ridiculous amount of romantic novels. To the mage’s chagrin, she found at least one carefully earmarked copy of Swords and Shields among the tomes.

After reading a particularly steamy entry, Cordelia decided to go for a walk to clear her mind and stretch her legs. Staying inside for so long was making her antsy, and probably wasn’t healthy for either her or her baby. Putting on a heavy cloak, she wandered out past the secure walls of Haven and towards the bridge which she’d crossed when Cassandra had first escorted her out a little over two months ago.

“Two months ago,” she mused with a sigh. “It has been quite the journey, hasn’t little one?” She rubbed her stomach with a faint smile. “And you? You’ve just been sticking with this no matter what! You’ve definitely inherited Elias’ tenacity, I will give you that. I wonder what else of his you’ll get? Oh I pray you get his hair!. You know he had the best hair? It was like silk… black soft silk. And when you looked at it just right, you could see hints of blue. And his eyes, they were-”

“Lady Trevelyan?”

Cordelia stiffened at the sound of Commander Cullen’s voice as a frown crossed her face. She refused to look at him and asked, “What do you want, Commander?”

Cullen held in a flinch at the icy tone. His task was hard enough, but her legitimate aggravation with him was going to make it worse. Maker knows it was his fault and he would endure. “I, um… wanted to speak with you.”

_ Don’t look at him. You’ll see that image from your dream and you don’t want that _ . “Very well if you insist,” she allowed. He walked slowly over to stand beside her and they both looked out at the scene in front of them.

A few moments passed in silence before he spoke. “What I said to you in the cabin...it wasn’t necessarily true,” he stated.

“Oh I don’t know. Let’s face it: we don’t exactly have anything in common except for being in the Inquisition,” she challenged. “You’re a former templar in command of an army. I’m a pregnant mage who is destined to either save the world, or destroy it by doing irrevocable harm to the Inquisition, all because I prefer to keep the possibly only good thing I have left in this world alive. Let’s face it, Commander: you were right on the money.”

“That wasn’t why I said what I did. Let me explain. Please?”

She still refused to look at him as she nodded. He sighed and gathered all his courage. “During the Fifth Blight I was station in Kinloch Hold. I do not know if you’ve heard-”

“I heard enough to know that was a horrific thing for anyone to survive.”

“The stories about what happened are grossly understated, I can assure you. After surviving it all, I was transferred to Kirkwall. I will not lie to you: I did not treat mages fairly. Most of the time it was without cause. I am not proud of that, and I do not expect I deserve to be happy because of it.”

Cordelia swallowed, unsure how to respond and pulled her cape a little closer around her.

“But that does not mean I could not try and make you happy. To be honest, I don’t know the first thing about being in a relationship, let alone becoming a husband or a father. But I also know you yourself weren’t ready for this either.”

She bowed her head, looking down at the frozen water below them. “I only discovered less than a week before Elias was scheduled to attend the Conclave. He insisted I go with him, or he would have made someone else take his place. He refused to leave my side for a moment!” Tears started to fall before she could stop them. “Why did he have to be the one to die? I shouldn’t have insisted he go. Another good man would still be here, and my baby would have two people who loved them!”

He was quiet as he listened to her words. “But alas, life is a web of cruel jokes and twisted traps to cull the good people from the world and leave the rest,” she mused sorrowfully. Cullen glanced down at the stone half wall where one of Cordelia’s gloved hands rested. He reached out and held it, feeling her tense but soon relax at the needed contact. He had needed it maybe as much as she did. He felt a surge of strength and comfort and protectiveness fill him.  _ Maybe, _ he thought,  _ maybe I can do this after all. _

“It’s getting colder,” he mused. “Come on, we should head back into the village before we both freeze.” Cordelia only nodded at his suggestion.

His hand didn’t let go of hers until he’d safely gotten her back to Solas’ cabin.


	21. Chapter 21

Finally after five days, Cordelia had enough. She knew she was being impatient, but she absolutely needed to speak with the rebel mages before she could be strong armed into securing the templars.

“I don’t care if there are still giants being sighted,” she informed Cassandra as she finished getting her travel armor on. “I’ll freeze their hulking arses solid if I must, and you can shield bash them into tiny pieces. But I will be going to Redcliffe now, with or without anyone to accompany me!”

Cassandra opened her mouth to protest but Cordelia was not going to hear it. “I’m taking Vivienne, Sera, Solas, and Varric. Stables. 10 minutes, or I’m leaving you. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go speak with Josephine before I leave.”

~ * ~ * ~

“Make sure it gets to them as soon as you can,” she said handing the letter to Josephine. The ambassador nodded. “It will be done. Might I ask, my lady, why you’ve changed your mind about contacting your former in-laws?”

Cordelia sighed tiredly. “Because as much as I think it’s a bad idea and they washed their hands of me, I know some part of them still loved Elias. In spite of their words and coldness, Lady Montilyet, the Trevelyans still did what they could to make things a little easier for him while he was in the Ostwick Circle under the disguise of donations from anonymous benefactors. Even if they destroy the letter out of hatred for me, I still need to send it. It’s a step.”

“I understand. We all must deal with our grief or else it will eat away at us,” Josephine said. “Will you be saying goodbye to Commander Cullen before you go, or shall I tell him for you?”

Cordelia raised an eyebrow curiously at Josephine, slightly suspicious. “The commander and I are hardly on familiar enough terms for me to drop him a farewell each time I go.” Josephine blinked in surprise and looked slightly embarrassed. “Forgive me, Lady Herald. Have a safe journey and return to us safely.”

“I shall.”

She headed out of Josephine’s office and towards the stables. Cullen was waiting there, speaking with Solas. “Seeing us off, Commander?” she asked, warmth underlying the politeness in her tone. After their conversation on the bridge, Cordelia had become determined to try and get on pleasant terms with Cullen. She still had trouble looking at him sometimes; the dream image fresh and forefront in her brain.

Another reason to get some space between herself and Haven.

“My Lady, I was not aware you were leaving for Redcliffe already,” he said.

“I only decided this morning,” Cordelia explained, a pang of guilt hitting her. Dammit, why should she feel guilty? “Cassandra is not exactly happy at my decision, but if I don’t go now, the chances increase in our likelihood of losing out on their assistance. I would like to at least try to speak with them before I make a final decision.” She was sounding slightly defensive, expecting him voice his disapproval. She wasn’t even paying attention that Cullen was the one getting her horse ready.

“I agree with your idea,” he assured her. “Knowing your options is a good step in securing victory.”

She looked at him as he tested the saddle to ensure it was properly on. “You’re not going to try stop me with some speech about templars and this is a waste of time? Or how the giants might still be in the area?”

“Not at all. Though I think I could prepare one if you wish to hear it,” he teased with a wink. A faint hint of pink hit her face and Cordelia blamed the cold for it. “Another time perhaps,” she said to him. “I’m sure you have things you need to do.”

Cullen handed her the reigns to her horse with a smile. “Of course. Be safe, my lady. I look forward to another walk around the lake once you return.” With that he left and for a minute, Cordelia forgot herself. It was only when Solas called her name that she came to her senses.


	22. Chapter 22

Cordelia did not like the feel of Redcliffe Village.

Ignore for a minute, that there was a rift outside the front gates that was apparently manipulating time in pockets so if someone stepped in them they either went very fast or very slowly.

Ignore for a minute, that the Veil felt wrong and warped.

Ignore the fact, that no one was expecting the Inquisition to make an appearance in spite of Grand Enchanter Fiona’s offer in Val Royeaux.

An offer which she had no memory making, and instead had indentured herself and every mage under her care to a Tevinter Magister by name of Gereon Alexius.

Indentured? More like sold them into slavery for ten years with hopes they would all make it through. Cordelia prayed she didn’t show any of the malice she felt at this news. Putting on her most polite smile during the rather short meeting with the magister, she was grateful for Felix’s near collapse that caused it to end prematurely, but also upset because Alexius had taken Fiona with him. She wanted to flay that woman alive, or at least set fire to her robes.

The final aggravating straw that broke the camel’s back, was seeing a very familiar face from Ostwick Circle.

“Well well, if it isn’t the blushing bride,” Lesme snarkily greeted. “How’s your husband?”

Cordelia hoped she broke the bitch’s nose. 

“Of anyone here, you are the last person who needs to talk to me!” She didn’t see any of the other mages who had run away from Ostwick. “Where’s your band of freedom fighters, Lesme? Off killing more people? Or did you fill up your quota with my mentor?”

Lesme momentarily looked upset before putting on that mask she loved to wear: the same one she’d worn when she’d convinced several of the more frightened or deluded Ostwick Circle members that they had to get out of there. All five of them, including the student who killed Senior Enchanter Lydia.

“What’s this? The precious Herald of Andraste throwing a punch? Whatever will Elias think of you?!”

Oh she wanted to kill her so much right now. “He’s dead,” Cordelia instead explained. “Another casualty in this damn war you decided to join in without thinking of the fucking cost! Now where are the others?!”

Lesme curled her lip up at her before spitting out some blood on the ground. “Dead. Templar ambush on our way over here,” she informed her.

“And you just happened to be the only one who lived to make it here,” Cordelia observed. “Well isn’t that convenient?”

“At least they died believing in something,” Lesme shouted. “It was better than being forced to stay as prisoners of the Chantry and people who fear and hate us!”

“No, Lesme, they died because you convinced them that leaving was the only way they’d survive the coming Divine March made by a Chantry who never had much interest in bothering Ostwick Circle in the first place! Well guess what: Ostwick is still standing and running the way it was before this fucking mess happened, but the only difference is there’s one less good person there to help.”

“Yeah well, accidents happen every day. But then again: you’re walking around with one inside you, huh?”

Vivienne placed a strong yet calming hand on Cordelia’s shoulder before Cordelia could go in for another punch. Shaking her head, the Grand Enchanter said, “That’s quite enough, My Dear. The longer you force yourself to deal with trash like this, the more likely you’ll get tossed in with it. Besides I believe we have other business to attend to, yes?”

Cassandra and Varric seconded the suggestion and they headed to the Chantry.

“Thank goodness you’re here!” declared a rather dashing gentleman sporting a rather impressive mustache. “Now help me close this would you?”

Cordelia almost felt pity for the demons coming out of the rift. Almost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know Lesme isn't the name of the mage I am thinking about you talk to in the tavern, but my sis has got the 360 and is playing Fable 1.


	23. Chapter 23

_ CC, SN, LJ: _

_ GEF indentured mages in Redcliffe to a TM. Recruited 2 agents form the village. Closed 2 rifts. Returning soon. _

_ Herald _

Cullen read the report with a slightly confused air. Luckily the second one explained it better, although Varric didn’t make things easier.

_ Hey, Curly: _

_ Just in case no one understood the abbreviations Snapdragon used it goes like this. _

_ CC = you _

_ SN = Sister Nightingale _

_ LJ = Ruffles _

_ GEF = Grand Enchanter Fiona _

_ TM = Teviniter Magister _

_ Also you guys might want to look into getting her fitted for bigger armor, or find another excuse to keep her back in Haven until she has this kid. And don’t use giants this time as an excuse, because she won’t fall for it again unless she gets pissed off by what’s happened. _

_ Varric _

“Well it seems that her journey wasn’t completely pointless,” Leliana observed. "However this news is disturbing.”

“Are you talking about the mages indenturing themselves?” Cullen asked. He’d hoped it was because he didn’t want to think about what the alternative was. Unfortunately, the alternative was exactly what Leliana was actually focused on.

“She cannot be allowed to continue adventuring forth at this rate! You read what the dwarf wrote.”

“I’m certain he wrote that in hopes we’d start squirming,” Cullen countered. “Lady Cordelia doesn’t look much different than she did all those weeks ago when she was brought into custody.”

“And I suppose you’ve been eyeing her changing body all that time, Commander?”

He frowned at her insinuating tone. “I am not some casanova general who knows how to bed every woman he comes across, or spends his waking thoughts figuring out how best to do that. I am the leader of the Inquisition’s armies. If you recall, Spymaster, it was you slipping an abortifacient in her tea that led to this mess.”

“If she’d just kept her legs closed, we wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place.”

Cullen bristled, rage churning his stomach. “I think I’ll take my leave before I have to listen to anymore of your words.”

“The woman is the one who gets pregnant, Commander. That thing... whatever it is she gives birth to? It will have no chance at a real life. She should just let it die and move on before she brings us down with her.”

“That is enough, Leliana!” Josephine practically shouted in horror. But Cullen just turned around and stormed up to get in Leliana’s face. “You forget your place,” he snarled. “You may be invaluable to the Inquisition, but so help me you will hold your forked tongue or I will cut it out!”

“Then hurry up and get her to agree to marry you so I can focus on other matters of importance.”

“Void take you,” he cursed and left, slamming the war room door shut behind him. Leliana turned her attention onto the map before her while Josephine looked at her. “Tell me you just said all those things to get him angry and feel more protective of the Herald,” the Antivan woman whispered to her friend after a few minutes of silence.

“Partially,” Leliana admitted. “But some of it was true. You must admit, Josephine, her pregnancy is nothing but a nightmare! You still have yet to gather enough allies to gain Lord Seeker Lucius to accept a meeting.”

“A problem not due to her condition, Leliana. Lucius’s attack on the Herald in Val Royeaux had significant repercussions on templar popularity. Many Orlesian Noble Houses would rather the Inquisition denounce them and side with the Rebel Mages because of it.”

“But surely the rumors-”

“Are being considered slanderous and at length have been ignored.”

Leliana scoffed in disbelief. “Are you honestly telling me that somehow no one outside Haven is actively convinced she is pregnant?” she asked. Josephine nodded with a slight hesitance. “About that," Josephine said carefully. "Even here in Haven, the most adamant gossips have been oddly quiet on the subject lately. It’s like they’ve forgotten, or found something else to speak of.”

“Almost like magic?”

Josephine nodded and Leliana’s mask of cool indifference cracked ever so slightly. “We must have the templars' support. Find me a way to get to the Lord Seeker so I can speak with him.”

“I don’t think that’s-”

“Do. It.”

Josephine felt an icy tendril of fear crawl up her spine at the command and she nodded. “I’ll get on that right away,” she said in her most diplomatic voice. “If you’ll excuse me.”

Left alone in the room, Leliana let her feelings of rage out and she stabbed the war map over Ostwick. “What in the world do you think you’re playing at, Bitch?” she spat. “Did you make a deal with a demon? Is that what protects your precious life and that blighted lump? You will not get away with this. I swear it!”


	24. Chapter 24

She was so happy to be back in Haven. They’d gotten sidetracked by several rogue factions of mages and templars on the return. and if it weren’t for the caches of loot they’d found with plenty of supplies to give the refugees she would have screamed.

Her feet hurt. 

Her posterior throbbed from riding the horse. 

All she wanted to do was crawl into bed. 

So why did seeing Cullen waiting for her at the stables make her feel like putting it all off?

_ Just a familiar face who looks genuinely pleased to see you, _ she told herself.  _ It’s nothing. Hormones at work. Maker, woman: your husband is dead! Show some loyalty! _

“Lady Cordelia, welcome back!”

“Commander,” she nodded, smiling in reflex at his jovial tone. “To what do I owe this pleasure?”

“Your delay caused a few concerns, and I wanted to make sure for myself that you’d returned in one piece,” he explained. He led the horse into the stable and without realizing it, she let him help her down. “Rogue mages and templars with nothing better to do than attack anything that they can. We ended up cleaning out several encampments, but it’s become painfully clear I’m going to have to lead a hunting party to clear the groups out once and for all. Luckily, no one was injured too badly.”

“Were you injured at all?”

“I’ve actually been remarkably fortunate in that regard,” she informed him with a pleased smile. Dennet took over handling of the horse while Cullen and she walked back towards the gates. “I thought I was about to get shot at least once, but I dodge at the last second. I avoided a couple of fire traps, and the caster somehow managed to freeze himself into a pillar which Cassandra shattered with a good shield bash. If anything, the riding was the most painful part of the journey back.”

Cullen was relieved at her words. He had been worried, but thankfully she had survived the ordeal unscathed. “Hopefully you can rest a few days before you have to head on back out. I’m sure the two of you need it.” Cordelia laughed as she placed her hand on her abdomen. “I don’t know about that,” she stated. “He seems incredibly resilient no matter what.”

_ Call it a boy. Laugh and maybe the vision that both hurts and enthralls you won’t come true. _

“So how were things on the homefront while we were gone?” she asked. They continued towards her cabin as he informed her, “We’re having a few issues with housing recruits, but nothing that won’t be fixed by the time you make your decision on whom we should side with. At least that’s the hope. Josephine and the rest can brief you more thoroughly once you’ve recovered and eaten. Which I will insist on happening first.”

“Oh you do?” she questioned, her eyebrows raised in both surprise and amusement. “Well I may not be a soldier under your command, Ser, but I shall most certainly accept your order- this time. I will see you later.”

He nodded with a smile. “Until later then,” he bowed and went off to speak with Josephine and Cassandra after he watched her safely disappear into the lodgings.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short. Very short.

Leliana was having trouble controlling herself and she refused to accept the blame.

Instead, she blamed a number of things. The biggest holder of the guilt she gave to their supposed Herald of Andraste. After all, Leliana had done far worse things than feed an abortifacient to a pregnant woman who was clearly in no way ready to become a parent. Yet she was a villain?

How many had been forced to give up their own pregnancies for the good of the Chantry? Her actions were nothing new. So why was it a problem now?

Because somehow Cordelia had managed to charm enough people for offense to be taken. Leliana’s sound logic was cast aside because their precious Herald was too emotionally attached to something which might not come to term and live due to everything that was going on. Her actions weren’t just logical but a kindness.

“No good deeds go unpunished,” she muttered to herself and went to pray. She needed guidance, and no one around her could give it better than the Maker. Perhaps he would find it in his heart to give her peace in sleep tonight as well.


	26. Chapter 26

She might have always been a heavy sleeper, but Cordelia had never slept so hard that someone had to literally break down her door. Which was exactly what happened.

_ Maybe I should just permanently move into Solas’ cabin? _ she thought after finally calming down from the panic attack.

Later on, Cullen was stammering apology after apology but she couldn’t bring herself to be angry at him. Oh she  _ should _ be, but she just couldn’t. The look of relief he’d momentarily had on his face after bursting the door down himself - not had any soldiers do it,  _ the man burst her door down on his own _ ! - made any annoyance she would have felt more than a few weeks prior at a similar event, disappear.

“I  just… I knocked several times,” he explained for what might have been the fifth time as they strolled around the frozen river. “And when you didn’t answer, I had a moment where I thought: Maker’s breath, what if she was attacked? Or maybe something was wrong with the baby and you were unable to cry out for help. Not that I think you’re weak to need help with everything but-”

“It’s  _ all right, _ Commander,” she said with a smile. “Oddly enough, I find myself rather endeared by your concern. Although I might hate myself later for admitting it.”

“Oh,” he responded sheepishly, his hand going to the back of his neck nervously. “Well I’m glad. That you aren’t angry, I mean. Maker’s Breath, this always sounds better in my head when I have these conversations.”

“Been plotting maneuvers in regards to this whole arranged marriage business, I see,” she teased. His eyes went wide and he stammered like she’d caught him with his pants down. Cordelia put a hand on his arm. “I’m only teasing you, Commander,” she assured him in a gentle voice. “I’m certain you’re too busy for those kind of things anyhow. Between troop movements and training and reports, you’ve barely eaten and I can see the dark circles under your eyes. I realize taking sleeping potions might not be a good idea, but if you use them sparingly I’m sure you can have one good night’s rest.”

“Perhaps I will take your advice,” he said, his own gloved hand covering hers. “Maker knows, if I continue like this it will do nobody any good.” They stood there together for small time just looking out at the frozen water before them.

“Forgive me for asking this and if you get angry, I will understand.”

Cordelia looked at him as he turned to her. His face was hard and serious and he was either incredibly aggravated, or scared out of his mind. He put his arms on her shoulders and took a deep breath in. “Cordelia, do you-”

“Commander.”

Cullen and Cordelia both looked over at a runner holding a report. “Ser, Sister Leliana sent me to fetch you and the Herald for the war meeting, and I’m to hand you this report.” The look on Cullen’s face was priceless to Cordelia. She felt rather sorry for the poor young man who looked like he was about to get stabbed, and Cullen looked like was going to be the one to do it.

She thanked the man and he scurried off, terrified. Cullen shook his head. “Maker’s breath, it never ends,” he muttered. Cordelia patted him on the shoulder sympathetically. “Try being the Herald of Andraste sometime. I had at least three people try to touch me yesterday without my permission, for no reason other to have whatever divine protection I have rub off on them. And here I thought my greatest worry was going to be people constantly trying to touch my stomach.”

Whatever he’d been going to say (and Cordelia was suspicious that it had been something in regards to them) was put aside for the moment. “May I accompany you to the War Council, Lady Trevelyan?” he asked offering his arm. His tone was playful and light.

“It would be my pleasure to accept your offer, Commander Rutherford,” she replied back in a similar fashion. Inside however, she could not stop a part of herself feeling a little regretful whilst another part felt nothing but gratitude for the runner’s timing.

She wondered which part would win out.


	27. Chapter 27

“I’m going with you.”

Cordelia looked at Cullen in surprise as they were making ready to go to Redcliffe. “I don’t know how good an idea that is, Commander,” she stated cautiously. She didn't want to offend him.

“I’m not letting you go without me,” he insisted as he reached out to cover her hand with his own, a gesture that made Cordelia pause.

“Not letting me go?!” she echoed in disbelief. “Have you become my Keeper now?”

It certainly felt like that to him, he confessed to himself. So much so, that he hadn’t really even given her an argument about choosing the Mages over the Templars. At best he halfheartedly protested, but he knew after what Lucius had done in Val Royeaux, that he wasn’t as eager to see her go to his former brethren as he had been.

“In case anything goes wrong, I want to be there,” he explained, his voice quivering with an unfamiliar nervousness. “I will keep out of the way until then.”

His worry for her was touching, so touching that her attempts to dissuade him had to be cut short by the carriage they were taking to the village. If not for that she might have consented. 

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

“You are a mistake,” Alexius seethed holding a glowing amulet in front of him. “You should never have existed.”

“NO!” shouted Dorian and then everything blurred together in some green jumbled nausea-inducing energy. Cordelia barely had time to regain her footing, or take stock of her surroundings, before two soldiers burst in and she and Dorian were fighting them.

Luckily, she didn’t vomit until after they’d been dealt with.

Dorian graciously offered her a flask and a handkerchief to help calm herself and clean her face. She took a tiny sip of brandy from the flask to get the taste out and then wiped her mouth. “There now, all better?” he asked.

She nodded slowly as not to upset her stomach again. “But I swear if his magic has harmed my baby in anyway, I will personally peel Alexius’ skin from his bones by hand,” Cordelia swore. Dorian looked at her in shock. “Are you-?! Maker’s breath, woman! Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Well we haven’t exactly known each other for very long, Master Pavus,” she said with a half smile.

“Yes, but I hardly think that’s something you’d want to keep secret. Unless-”

“My husband died at the Conclave, and since we were both Circle Mages, our marriage and my subsequent pregnancy isn’t exactly something I would like people to know about. And when it did come to light among the Inquisition’s advisor, the person who found out decided to try and feed me something to cause me to miscarry.”

Dorian stared at her, a look of horror and heartbreak on his face. “I’m sorry,” he said before his eyes flickered down to her abdomen. A look of curiosity came over him and he put his hand out. “May I?”

“Only because you were kind enough to ask, and our lives are pretty much in your very well manicured hands.”

He smiled and placed his hand upon her stomach before raising his perfectly plucked eyebrows in awe. “I may not know much about prenatal care, but I know powerful magic when I feel it,” he stated, pulling his hand back. “If you ever want to move somewhere more stable, I will gladly take up the mantle of surrogate uncle and mentor if you wish.”

That surprised her, and slightly unnerved her. “How about we focus on getting back to our own time before we either die, or my baby is born in this shit hole?” she asked.

“Absolutely. I have a few ideas on that. Marvelous things; like lovely jewels.”


	28. Chapter 28

She found Varric first. Then Cassandra. Vivienne was as bad as Fiona, and there was no way they could get her out. “Just give that bastard what he deserves and more, my dear,” the senior enchanter told her, regal in manner as ever as the red lyrium finally ate it’s way through her.

“We need to go,” Dorian said and Cordelia nodded, taking in a deep breath and wiping her eyes.

“We should see what became of the others,” Cordelia noted. “See if any of them are still able to fight.”

Sera and Solas were located in about the same shape as Varric and Cassandra, with one of Sera’s legs being fully made out of red lyrium crystals. “I can still fight, yeah?” the elf said determinedly. “As long as I got plenty of arrows, nothing stops us from getting you to the throne room, a’right?”

“Well then we’ll make sure you don’t run out. Where’s Cullen?”

“I am afraid none of us have seen him since he tried to kill Alexius after you were- you disappeared, da’len,” Solas explained. Cordelia felt fear well up in her throat.

“If they killed him, let’s hope he didn’t suffer,” she said as they headed towards the throne room. Her statement also meant as a prayer to any kind of deity that may exist.

A prayer she soon found answered in a way that made this whole future even more a horror she would never forget.

Solas tried unsuccessfully to get her to look away at the discovery of Cullen’s mutilated red lyrium form. Everything they’d seen so far seemed mild in comparison to Cullen’s decapitated body, spikes of the blighted lyrium glowing while above him on a shelf his head sat on display.

The red lyrium growing out of his skull looked like some demonic crown, the flesh had stayed preserved so that he was recognizable. “Fucking hell, Curly,” Varric muttered. Cordelia was shaking and she had to leave the room before she lost her mind. The others followed her soon after.

“I told him it wasn’t a good idea,” she cried as the tears came out. “If he hadn't been here maybe-”

“He would have died eventually,” Cassandra said.

“He would have died fighting and his skull wouldn’t be on display like a trophy!” Cordelia snapped furious.

“We can still fix this,” Dorian said. “This can all be reversed!”

“Alexius dies, Dorian! I will not be satisfied until I see his blood on the throne room floor!”

“Will you at least let me talk to him? Try and reason with him?” Dorian begged. “Letting your rage control you is not the best course of action. We must keep our heads both literally and figuratively.”

He was right and Cordelia knew it. “Fine. But he hands over the amulet and helps us fix this or I swear-”

“I agree. Let’s get to the throne room. We have a mess to clean up and time is running out.”


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Birthday SilentSlayer

Cullen had watched her disappear with the Tevinter Mage named Dorian and within seconds reappear. She was filthy, covered in grime and muck and her face was a mask of loathing directed towards Alexius, who fell to his knees.

A fireball was conjured in her hand and for a moment Cullen thought she was going to toss it at Alexius. Dorian must have thought so as well because he grabbed hold of Cordelia’s arm. “That’s enough, Cordelia. We won. Everyone is safe now.”

She stilled and looked over at her companions. The look in her eyes gave Cullen chills and made him want to do nothing more than go over there and hold her. It was the look of someone who’d just survived a slaughter and could only barely process what was happening.

Her eyes lingered on him and he saw several things flash in her eyes and her expression soften. Just for a moment. It was gone as she turned to look back at Alexius. The fireball disappeared and she curled her lip at the magister on the ground.

“Take him away before I do something I won’t regret,” she ordered and walked down the steps.

“Now, Grand Enchanter Fiona. I think-”

The sounds of heavy armored footsteps rang through the hall as about a dozen of the Ferelden Army’s soldiers entered the room with King Alistair and Queen Anora coming up behind them.

“Well shit. This won’t end well,” Varric muttered. Cullen was likely to agree.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I got 2 teeth removed yesterday and thus no real work got done on my writing. However luckily I had finished this one before I ended up being reduced to a napping non-productive whiner who is starving for foods she cannot have.

_ “Oh I don’t think you understand! I’m not conscripting all the mages, Grand Enchanter… Just you and the other mages who thought indenturing themselves to Tevinter and allowed the Tranquil in Redcliffe to be used like guinea pigs! All other mages are to join us as allies to the Inquisition. See you in Haven.” _

The ride back to Haven was quiet. Disturbingly so. No one knew what to make of her conscripting and allying with the rebel mages. It would no doubt cause some problems but that would be handled later.

Cullen looked down at his hand. Even though she was leaning against the side of the carriage near the window, her hand was holding his tightly. He wasn’t going to complain. He just would really like to know what in the Void happened to her. Because whatever it was, it had been horrible.

~ * ~ * ~

She couldn’t bring herself to let go of him. Of all the deaths and grisly horror, Cullen’s condition had hit her hardest. She would think about why that was later. Much later. For now they had work to do.

When they returned, she marched into the Chantry, Cullen and Cassandra behind her. Josephine looked up in shock from her desk. “Lady Trevelyan, you’ve returned already? I was unaware-”

“Josephine, right now I have two things to say: You are an exceptionally strong woman and I admire you. If it didn’t break some kind of protocol I would hug you. Second: when did Leliana leave for Therinfal Redoubt?”

“How did you-”

“I have little time to explain. I must know how far ahead of me she is! Josephine, she is terrible danger!”

Josephine paled but answered, “She left the day after you went to get the Mages.”

“Damnit! Commander: gather a small contingency of your best soldiers! We must get to Therinfall as soon as possible!”

“Right away,” Cullen said. Cassandra looked confused. “What is going on, Herald?” she demanded. “Why are we going to-”

“Leliana is walking right into a trap and if we don’t hurry, she’s going to be possessed by an envy demon. The same demon which was masquerading as Lord Seeker Lucius that day in Val Royeaux.”

She explained to them what had happened. About the demon army, the red lyrium, and the Leliana which had tried to kill her in the dark future. “She’d tortured you for months, Josephine. I can’t even begin to…” Cordelia swallowed and took a deep breath. “Apparently the new and improved Leliana was very good at keeping notes. This Elder One is creating a new race of templars controlled by red lyrium.”

“Maker preserve us.” Cullen said.

“Cassandra, Cullen. Stay here and work on getting haven ready for the mages.”

“I should come with you,” both warriors said in synch.

“No. I need you here in case Leliana ‘returns’ and brings us templars that Lucius sent to help seal the Breach. Do not let them into step one foot into Haven if that happens!”

“By your command,” Cullen said. They dispersed and within the hour the ones who could were off to Therinfall.


	31. Chapter 31

She probably should have left her there, Cordelia would think later as she watched the soldiers pile Leliana’s body on top of the other dead to be lit on fire. She could not understand or comprehend what might have been worse: 

To let the former proud and capable Right Hand of the Divine live and return as a broken red lyrium infested being they’d found screaming praises to the Elder One as she was being violated by two horrors.

Or kill her when she attempted to attack her for pulling her away from the room that smelled liked things Cordelia really had no desire to put a name on, her body practically radiating with red lyrium.

She set the pile alight and stood with the soldier and her companions, a deep silence filling the air.

They sent a raven ahead of them to Haven, Cordelia not saying exactly what she found until she had returned to the town. The Elder One, whoever he is, will suffer. Somehow she would make him pay, Cordelia vowed.

She gave her report to the remaining members of the War Council. She tried to spare the most grisly of details out of respect not for Leliana but for Josephine, who was holding her composure with a grace Cordelia could have sworn Vivienne would be envious of.

“We must hurry to seal the Breach and then focus our attentions on finding and dealing with this Elder One,” Cullen said. “As well as Knight-Captain Denam and Lord Seeker Lucius. These atrocious acts can not go unpunished.”

“Agreed. Until then we must figure out who to place temporarily in charge of the office of spymaster,” Cassandra stated.

“I vote for Varric. It’ll only be temporary like you said.”

Cassandra opened her mouth as if she was going to speak against the suggestion but then closed it and nodded. “It would seem to be the best choice we have as of yet. I will speak to him. Let us hope he will agree.”

“The mages are still preparing for the assault on the Breach which gives you time to rest,” Cullen said to Cordelia. “You need your strength for the coming battle.”

She was too tired to argue although she really didn’t have one prepared to begin with. “Thank you, Commander. I think I’ll-”

She couldn’t complete her sentence as the fatigue from everything finally hit her and she nearly collapsed on the floor. Cassandra just barely caught her before she hit the floor and Cordelia apologized.

Cullen scooped her up into his arms and with Josephine’s permission, took her to the ambassador’s room that she’d been sharing with Leliana. He carefully laid her down on one of the beds and went to work unlacing her boots. “You work yourself too hard. It’s not good for either of you.”

“I know.”

“I don’t want to lose you,” he admitted softly. “Either of you.”

She looked at him, dark brown eyes searching as he removed her boots. “What do you mean?” she asked. All right it sounded stupid and she would freely admit that but for some reason she didn’t trust herself to make assumptions.

“In the last few days and weeks you’ve become… special to me,” Cullen told her, depositing her boots on the floor. His hand rubbed the back of his neck in that way it did when he was nervous or thoughtful. “I’ve felt it since that day I came clean with you on the bridge. You’ve made me feel… better than I have about things in a long time.”

He paced the floor as he tried to find the words.

“I didn’t think it was possible. Here we were not exactly hating each other one minute and then we’d gotten into an easy kind of friendship - or I thought it was friendship. It was for me. And then the day I broke down your door when you wouldn’t answer. I think I felt it for the first time.”

Her heart started beating a little faster for some reason. “It?” she echoed.

“I don’t know if it’s love,” he insisted. “Maybe it is? I don’t know… I’ve never had any kind of real experience to go by in which to compare. But I know I care about you. More than it’s wise to. I don’t know. Perhaps I’m being a fool again… and putting my foot in my mouth. But I don’t want to let you go.”

She bowed her head a little before looking up at him. “Sit here, please.”

He did as she asked sitting on the side of the bed. Cordelia looked at him, her expression a rare unguarded one. “When I was in that dark future and I saw your body, I…became so angry. And then when we came back and I saw you, all I wanted to to do was rush into your arms and just stay that way for as long as I could.”

Cullen looked at her, long and hard. “I guess we’re both feeling something we didn’t expect,” he observed. Cordelia nodded. “I suppose we are. What were you going to ask? That day when Jim interrupted us?”

“I was… well I…” He let out a deep breath. “I wanted to know if you might ever reconsider your refusal to marry me. I wanted to know if there was a chance-”

“Yes.”

She said it so soft he hadn’t quite heard her. “Pardon?”

“Yes, I’ll marry you. If you’ll have me.”

He stared at her stunned and speechless while outside the room they heard a very familiar Nevarran accent shout, “YES! Oh blight.”

The two burst into laughter at Cassandra’s outburst and Cordelia shook her head. “Well at least we know Cassandra’s thrilled.”

“You change your mind already?”

Cordelia shook her head, smiling at him something genuine. “I think I’ll stick with my answer of yes, thank you,” she told him. “But are you sure? You’re signing up for quite the task.”

He put his hand on her stomach with a smile that made her heart flutter. “I’m very sure. And there’s nothing I think I want more.”


	32. Chapter 32

It was agreed that wedding preparations would occur after the Breach was sealed. Vivienne insisted she be placed in charge of that. “After all, My Dear, our dear ambassador can’t be expected to do everything.”

“Plus there is still the issue of us lacking a permanent spymaster,” Cassandra remarked.

“Hey I just got this job,” Varric said with fake hurt. “But don’t worry. I got a friend with good connections who will be perfect.”

“Is he trustworthy?” Cordelia asked.

“Never done anyone wrong who didn’t strike first. Damn good instincts and if we’re lucky, she will be around for a long time.”

“We can’t afford to have someone working for us who might disappear into the night, Varric,” Cullen said.

“It’s not work related reasons she’d go missing for long, Curly. She’s got most of her priorities straight. Anyhow she’s damn good and that’s what you need.”

“When do you think we can meet this person?”

Varric cocked his head in thought. “2 weeks. Enough time for you to go check out that merc group on the Storm Coast and return. Also we need to send someone to the Hinterlands and investigate that Warden sighting.”

Cordelia sighed. She was going to start showing soon and it would be harder to move around. If she got those two tasks done and then sealed the Breach she could finally concentrate on important things.

Cullen went up beside her and squeezed her hand. “You don’t have to be the one to do it. Cassandra and I can each go and do this while you rest and prepare to seal the Breach.”

She shot him a smile of thanks before shaking her head. “Wouldn’t feel right if I didn’t do it myself,” she insisted, squeezing his hand in return. “Besides: sea air is good for the soul… or so I’m told.”


	33. Chapter 33

So they’d recruited a Qunari spy leading a mercenary group and a Grey Warden who had no idea where the other Wardens were.

“It’s always good coming back about the same as you did in terms of advancements,” Cordelia said sarcastically as they headed back across the bridge leading to Haven. “I mean we gained troops but we’re just as much in the dark as we were when we started out.”

“You should not worry so much, da’len,” Solas assured her. “We will find out what need to in time.”

“That’s what Elias and I thought about being parents when we found out I was with child. Then the Conclave exploded.”

Solas nodded. “And yet I believe we are closer to our goal of discovering than we were the day before. You have done well. As I am sure you betrothed and smitten Commander will agree.”

Solas motioned his head towards the stables where Cullen was standing. he sauntered up to meet them, smiling at the returning group. “Good to see you’re back safely,” he greeted. Blackwall took the reigns of her horse and Cullen carefully helped her down off the saddle, letting her slide down into his arms.

She felt her insides dance a bit as he placed her on her feet, one of his hands resting gently on her stomach. “I hope the journey wasn’t rough on the pair of you?”

“No more than normal, thankfully,” Cordelia assured him. “How are preparations for the Breach coming?”

“The best of the mages are almost ready. We should be ready to head out tomorrow on you orders.”

She nodded. “Then I suppose no one will mind if I put my feet up and relax until then?” Vivienne appeared. “Not yet, My Dear, I need to get a few details covered before we begin to put the first round of orders in for the wedding finery. You can prop your feet up while we talk. Excuse us, Commander.”

Cordelia was swept away to Vivienne’s little spot in the Chantry, casting an apologetic look towards her fiance. Oh Void… she had a fiance. The thought made her stomach churn as once again the reality of the situation hit her. She was going to be married, again. Except this time to someone who wasn’t Elias but she still cared for.

All because she got pregnant.

“Vivienne, I need to-”

She pulled herself away and barely made it somewhere safe before she vomited. _How lucky for those elfroot plants someone had already harvest their leaves,_ she thought dryly as she emptied her stomach’s contents all over a patch of the herb.


	34. Chapter 34

“Here.”

A cloth entered Cordelia’s field of vision and she looked up. It was a woman of small stature with blonde hair the color of ripe wheat, brown eyes the color of honey, and flawless fair skin. “To clean your face,” she emphasized. Cordelia nodded, accepting the gift.

“Attack of the nerves?” the stranger asked.

“Yeah,” Cordelia grunted, wiping her mouth off.

“I know the feeling,” the petite woman said. “The other day I was in Orlais and ate these horrible petite fors. If anyone ever asks you to try something called the Sweetest Misery, decline immediately. It’s not worth it. Here: you can get the taste out of your mouth.”

She offered her a flask, taking a swig from it to show her it was safe. Cordelia thanked her. The concoction tasted like a mixture of mint and strawberries. “That’s really good.”

“Thanks. I tend to keep it on hand just in case so if you end up needing more, I’ll bring you some.”

“Oh, well thank you for the offer.”

The stranger put the flask in a pocket on her pants and smiled. “Anyhow I am late for a meeting,” the woman stated. “It was lovely to speak with you.”

And just like that she was gone, leaving Cordelia to wonder who the heck that had been.

 

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

 

The answer as it turns out was surprising.

“Well here she is,” Varric announced to the members of the council about an hour later in the war room. “Everyone, I would like you to meet your new spymaster.”

“My friends call me Holliday, but you can call me ma’am,” the blonde stated with a half smile. “Glad to be of service.”

“You don’t have friends,” Varric reminded her.

“And yet you’re still walking around with both testicles,” came the amused reply. “I think that qualifies as a sign I do.”

“Those two things are hardly mutually exclusive.”

“Oh, I’m sure plenty of greater men might disagree with you,” Holliday replied with a wink.

“Well this will certainly be interesting,” Cordelia remarked to Cullen, who gave her a small half smile in agreement. She just noticed he had his hand on the small of her back as he stood beside her. The feeling was… comforting.

“So if anyone wants to wonder if I’m cut out for this job, I have here few examples of just what I can offer.”

Holliday handed them each a piece of parchments folded and sealed with a wax stamp bearing their names. “You know just a few tidbits of my ability to gather information.”

“Andraste’s Ass did you really just do that shit again?”

Holliday gave Varric an innocent smile. “What? It’s anything a good spymaster does. Especially one who’s working to make sure the Organization who hires her is.... adept.”

Cordelia raised her eyebrows and looked over at Cullen to gauge his reaction to whatever his paper said. His cheeks were deep red and he looked up at their new spymaster in horror.

Cassandra’s eyes were wide as saucers and Josephine had her hand covering her mouth. Not one to be left out, Cordelia opened her own notice.

_ Your father’s clan is named Lavallen and their aravels were last spotted near Wycome. _


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SilentSlayer helped me by being my beta for this chapter and holy shit did she help. Enjoy this because I know I did.

They’d closed the Breach.

And by the Maker’s grace, she was still alive. And conscious. And soon she would be married to the Commander who was making her heart feel whispers of things she thought were long dead. Cordelia didn’t know if she was excited or her stomach was upset. She would have preferred excitement if given a choice. 

People were dancing around the campfires, laughing and celebrating. Varric was telling a story to anyone that would listen, and Solas was no doubt somewhere in a quieter spot meditating or something.

Someone came up behind her, putting a cloak over her shoulders. Who’s was-? “You’re going to catch a cold if you aren’t careful,” Cullen said softly, his hands lingering on her shoulders as he gripped the edges of the cloak. She looked at him, noting he still wore his own. “I thought you might need a thicker cloak,” he informed her as she felt the gloriously warm fur-lined item with awe. “Harritt and I worked on it, so it’s actually got some decent protection ability.”

She pulled it close against her, using it to hide the smile she knew was visible on her lips. “Thank you. It’s wonderful.” And she meant it.

“You deserve it and you will need it. I was thinking that once the baby is born and after you recuperate, you’ll be going out in the field again. If not because you want to, but because you’d have to.”

Cordelia chuckled. “Hard to seal rifts from Haven when they’re miles and miles away,” she said in an agreeing tone. “Although I could try if you think it might work.” Cullen chuckled as well. A moment passed quietly between them before they both spoke at the same time, and then they laughed once more, Cullen rubbing the back of his neck.

“Knowing Vivienne and Josephine, the next few days are going to be filled with wedding preparations and we’re going to be rushing about with barely a moment to breathe,” Cullen’s expression was amused, and Cordelia felt apprehensive about the days to come. “So we should probably enjoy this moment… together.” Cullen’s voice dropped lower. She could feel the heat on his skin as he leaned closer.

She pushed a stray lock of hair behind her ear, feeling slightly awkward.  _ Dammit, woman. You’re marrying this man for your child’s protection! You shouldn’t be feeling like this. At all! If anything it’s just loneliness. On both your ends. Stop it with the mushiness. _

But she wondered if it was only that or something more. She was developing feelings, or rather had developed some kind of feelings for the handsome ex-templar at her side. And since Elias had told her it would be okay, then why shouldn’t she let herself indulge? Affection between them would be good… especially if he was going to be her child’s father.

“Cullen, are you sure you still want…?”

Her words hung in the air between them. Golden eyes peered at her, seeing the uncertainty on her face. He turned to her, a serious expression lighting his features. This wasn’t like the one on the lake that day, but determined. “I honestly do. I never thought about it before… not really. But now  I look at you and think, maybe there is hope. You are someone that I can gladly grow old beside. Maybe we won’t have this grand passion that the story books talk about, but maybe, just maybe, what we have will be…”

Cullen trailed off, looking slightly afraid he’d put his foot in his mouth again. A blush crept up his cheeks, and Cordelia looked at him with searching eyes. Eyes Cullen could feel himself easily getting lost in. “Maybe it will be enough?” Cordelia half finished, half asked him. Her voice was soft and breathless and he wondered if she was feeling the same pull he was. Wherever this was taking them, he wanted to follow at her side. “I mean passion isn’t everything,” she continued, her tone unintentionally getting lower. “Comfort is nice. I can appreciate... comfort.”

“As can I,” he whispered, his tone matching hers as his eyes darkened. Had they been standing this close to each other without him noticing? He was transfixed as she wet her lips nervously. He desperately wanted to know what she tasted like. “We could do worse than being comfortable.”

“Very much so. Besides passion fades with time. I don’t want its loss to leave us cold.”

Cullen nodded, his head dipping lower. Just a little more and he could easily kiss her. “And it wouldn’t be good for us to be cold.” He was closer now. His mouth almost brushed hers as he spoke. Just one more breath... 

He was going to kiss her. She was sure he was going to kiss her. Excitement hummed through her at the thought.

The spell was broken as the warning bells rang out.


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's short but blame it on a small case of writer's block/frustration.

She couldn’t really tell what in Void was going on. Everything was happening so fast. One minute she was about to kiss Cullen; at least she thought they were about to kiss. The next they were running to get into the Chantry because a dragon appeared.

There was also some matters of Red Templars being led by the Elder One and Elias, Maker, whoever was listening give her strength, because that Elder One looked grotesque.

Chancellor Roderick was badly injured and Haven was a sea of flames. She didn’t know how much longer they could hold out against their enemies.

“The Elder One doesn’t care about the village,” Cole said to them. “He wants the Herald.”

She was starting to wonder how her blood wasn’t completely ice in her veins with how often it was forced to run cold. Her hand went protectively over her abdomen and she glanced at Cullen. He was talking about the trebuchets and how another landslide might stop the onslaught.

“If we do that, we bury Haven,” Cordelia stated. Surely there was another way.

“We’re dying,” Cullen informed her grimly. “But we can decide how. Many don’t get that chance.”

“Wait!” Holliday shouted. The woman was good at suddenly appearing. “There’s a path out of here. It’ll take us through the mountains to safety.” They looked at her and she blinked. “What? I gather information, find out things other don’t know. You think just got this job for my looks? We could get everyone to safety.”

“They’d spot us. We would need a distraction,” Cullen said. “The only thing that could possibly work would be-”

“Me.”


	37. Chapter 37

Holliday and Cullen looked at Cordelia, who continued, “I can buy us time.”

Cullen shook his head in refusal. “You go out there to do this, there’s no way you’ll come back. I won’t-” He paused and stepped closer to her and lowered his voice. “I cannot allow you to do that.”

“Everything will be fine,” Cordelia assured him, giving him a smile and taking his hand. Dark brown eyes stared into his honey gold. “Solas taught me a teleportation spell. I can easily transport myself to safety once everyone is clear and I fire the trebuchets.”

He hesitated but finally relented. “All right. But you’d better make it back to me. Both of you, in one piece.”

She nodded, knowing it was a promise she could not keep. “Get everyone out of here as quickly as you can,” she ordered. Holliday patted her shoulder and added a hurried “good luck” before taking off to help evacuate everyone that could be saved. They were left reasonably alone, and Cordelia put her hand on his cheek. “Keep them safe for me,” she whispered.

“I will. But before you go: for luck.”

He cupped her face with his hands and kissed her. Maybe it had meant to be short but the moment they made contact, Cordelia swore she felt the earth shift below her feet and everything changed.

It was like her first spell done right.

It was something she didn’t think could have happened twice in one lifetime. She leaned into him, and his hands slipped down to her waist, holding her steady against him.

He reluctantly pulled away and looked at her. It was just like the look he’d given her before they were attacked, but something else burned there. Something Cordelia wouldn’t dare let herself think about as he let her go.

With very little hope in her mind that she was going to survive long enough to find out what it was, Cordelia headed out of the Chantry. She felt herself wanting to cry. Saving everyone would cost her everything, but she would not let her resolve be shaken. She only had one regret as she stepped into the snow.

_ Please forgive me, Cullen. Baby. Both of you deserved better than this _ . _ Elias? It looks like you were wrong for once. Even when I had faith, it still didn’t turn out fine. _


	38. Chapter 38

“Where is Cordelia?” Solas questioned as Cullen helped the last evacuee through the mouth of the pilgrim's passage. Cullen looked at him as they got a safer distance away. “She’s using the teleportation spell you taught her to get to us after she’s fired the trebuchet.”

“I’ve taught her no such spell, Commander.” Cullen felt the pit of his stomach drop. She’d lied to him. The woman he loved was about to kill herself saving them, sacrificing herself and her baby so they could all live. Cullen felt the cold sting him worse. He turned to run back but was caught by the Iron Bull.

“Release me! She’s going to-”

“Not a chance in hell,” Bull said. Damn this man wasn’t commander of the Inquisition’s armies for nothing. It was like trying to hold down a rampaging druffalo. “Fire the arrow!”

Cullen screamed no but it was too late. The flaming projectile went above the treeline and after a few short seconds the thunderous roar of snow and rock could be seen cascading down the mountain. Everything slowed to a crawl, the sounds behind him muffled as he struggled to get out of the Iron Bull’s grip.

He noticed nothing else as he watched his entire world fall to forces he was powerless to stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's short, but please forgive me?


	39. Chapter 39

“Cordie.”

Cordelia groaned. “Not now, Elias, I- Elias?!” she asked in shock and surprise, sitting up to look at the face of her dead husband. Who looked surprisingly healthy. “No, no! I fell for this once already!” she declared moving backwards.”You’re dead. I know you’re dead. This is a trick and I don’t know what you think you will gain-”

He chuckled. “Well you’ve got one thing right, Cordie: I am dead,” he confirmed with a warm smile. That smile. “But I’m not a demon.”

She eyed him suspiciously, not believing his story for a single second. “I know that look,” he said. “That’s the look you would give me every time you knew I was up to something. You had that same look on your face when I proposed to you. Smell me, Cordie. Do I smell like demons?”

No, but that would not disperse Cordelia distrust of the situation. Here he was, whatever he was, wearing that smile and speaking to her in that same voice she’d loved so much. She also didn’t feel dead. Although how one was supposed to feel dead was up for debate. 

“You’re unconscious,” the thing calling itself Elias explained. “Alive, but unconscious. Cullen and the others will find you soon. Our little girl is quite the miracle.”

“The baby?” Cordelia asked. Her head was feeling funny and things were starting to blur. She heard him chuckle. “She’s fine. You’re both going to be just fine. You’ve got a destiny, both of you. Big ones. We can’t have either of you dying on us just yet.”

“What do you mean by we?”

He shook his head in a dismissing manner while looking at her with so much emotion. “You are so special. More so than you ever could know. And your commander is quite handsome man. It’s good to know I have excellent taste.” She was so confused. Her body felt like it was too heavy. Elia kissed her forehead. “Keep your faith and stay strong. I’ll be here to keep you safe until they’re ready.”

She wanted to ask him who but she found her voice wouldn’t work. Everything felt fuzzy and odd and Cordelia closed her eyes to try and clear her head. Why was he always so... so… vexing?! Even in death the man still made her feel loved and utterly confounded. She opened her eyes and saw Cullen where Elias had been, his gloved hand holding hers as he spoke prayers to the maker.

How in the world did she get here?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All Hail my awesome beta for this series: SilentSlayer


	40. Chapter 40

“Cullen?” Cordelia asked weakly in confusion. Cullen stopped in mid-prayer, looking up at her with wide, worried eyes. “Thank the Maker,” he breathed with relief. “You’re awake.” She moved to sit up, but he stopped her. “Don’t move. We don’t know how injured you are. I don’t want you to do anything that might injure either of you,” he said in a tone rich with a gentle command. “You managed to get here after the avalanche. I thought...everyone thought you were dead!”

Cordelia closed her eyes, her memory was fuzzy after she fired the trebuchet. “I remember running from the avalanche and falling through a hole,” she recalled. She noticed out of the corner of her eyes he’d moved to the edge of her cot, his eyes dark with unspoken thoughts. Cordelia sighed, “I know you’re furious. I lied to you and I put not only myself and my baby’s lives in danger.”

“The baby and you are both fine and I understand,” Cullen said. “I detest myself for admitting it but what you did it was the smartest choice to make. I just… I can’t… Maker, forgive me Cordelia but if I could bring myself to do it I would kiss you right now.”

She looked at him in shock. “W-Why?” she choked out. Cullen stared at her, his expression dead serious. “Because when I watched us lose Haven, when I thought you were dead, I didn’t know how I was going to go on. The Inquisition, the soldiers underneath my command, no one mattered any more. I almost… Cordelia, I’ve not been taking lyrium since I left the Templars. And I’ve been strong to that conviction since then. But when I thought you’d died I- I nearly went and-” Cullen exhaled shakily. She had never seen him so afraid, and her heart broke for him. “I love you. I don’t know when it happened or how but I genuinely am in love with you. I have never felt anything like this before.”

Cordelia didn’t know what to say. His revelations thoroughly and completely had her frozen in place as if she’d just been hit by a high powered paralysis spell. When she found the strength to speak, she said, “Cullen, I don’t know if I-”

“You don’t have to feel the same way,” he assured her with affection in his voice. “I just needed to tell you. Honestly, I don’t know if you will ever feel the same way as I do. But I accept that, just as long as you know I’m going into this marriage with genuine affection. And I swear I will do everything I can to make you and our - your child happy.”

There were no words. She couldn’t think of a damn thing to say. Except maybe… “If we’re going to be married, and if it would make you happy, I don’t mind you claiming it as your own. I would be very happy to know you wanted them to call you father.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had to stop the chapter here because I was about to make myself freaking cry.


	41. Chapter 41

In spite of what she’d wanted to do, after their little heart to heart when she’d awoken they didn’t get much time to spend with each other. Not that the refugee camp was exactly a workable place for romantic and special moments.

Solas had told her about a place in the mountains, and the inner circle accompanied them as they scouted ahead (well to be more precise he’d scouted, she just followed him), taking breaks as needed.

“Never met a pregnant mage before,” the Iron Bull said to her during one break. Cordelia rose an eyebrow at him in questioning. “Ben-Hassrath training, I assume?”

“That with you’re being near constantly worried over by the others. Combined with a few particular tell tale changes to your body in the last few weeks I’ve known you. And I happened to overhear you and Cullen’s little conversation when you woke up that night,” Bull admitted with a dismissive shrug. “Don’t worry, Boss. I keep those kind of details out of my reports. As much as it would make the higher ups happy to know that kind of information, the new spymaster you have here scares me more than the old one. Like she’s 3 steps ahead of us all for the most part and will gladly slit my throat if I even look at the Inquisition funny.”

Cordelia nodded. Holliday was certainly something else alright. She was quite a friendly sort, but you could just sense that crossing her was a dangerous thing. Not that Cordelia could exactly think of a situation in which that would happen, at least not with her. She had very little plans of attempting to divine anyone else’s behavior.

“So, who’s the father?” Bull asked genuinely curious. “Too far along to be Cullen’s, I’m guessing. Unless the rumors are true.”

Cordelia gave him an intrigued look. “Rumors? Pray tell what in the world have the massives gossiped about in regards to Cullen and I?” This she had to know!

“Well, there’s one where you were almost attacked in Kirkwall and he rode in amongst chaos and rescued you. Then, you two were reunited at Conclave but he acted like a fool after you made passionate love. Which caused you to run away and ultimately become the Herald of Andraste.”

_ Varric should use that one in his book he’s going to write about this if he writes one, _ Cordelia thought.

“Then we have one on the complete opposite side of the spectrum which suggest you were,” Bull cleared his throat uncomfortably, “selling your wares in order to gain admittance to the Temple.” Cordelia looked at him horrified, her mouth hanging open ever so slightly. “That one was an older one though,” Bull continued. “Haven’t heard anyone speak it since you came back to us. Still they said you managed to nearly seduce two of the guardsmen into having a threesome before Cullen caught you.”

“Caught her doing what?” Cullen asked curiously. He looked at Cordelia’s extremely bright red face and looked more than little concerned. “Cordelia, are you alright? Shall I get you anything?”

“The heads of whoever started the rumor I was whoring myself out would be nice,” she muttered under her breath. “Tell everyone to get ready. We’re starting back up in a few minutes.”

“Want me to let you ride on my shoulder so you can keep off your feet for a bit longer?” Bull offered. Cordelia shook her head. “Just pray we get to this fortress soon. I’d like to sleep some place where we aren’t at risk of being attacked by wildlife.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got a patreon. Don't know who is interested in it but just thought I'd say it.


	42. Chapter 42

Skyhold was huge.

A massive fortress that, in spite of how much time had passed, was still in remarkably good shape. Cordelia had very much wished to explore it, but she would have had to fight against a majority of her inner circle to do it. Even Solas was determined to keep her from looking around for the first few days of their arrival.

They gave her a variety of good logical reasons:

“Don’t know how stable everything is.” 

“You need to rest after escorting us all here.” 

“The last thing we need is you finding a loose board and falling through, impaling yourself and losing you and our baby.”

That last one had been from Cullen, and she had no clue if she should hit him for treating her like porcelain doll, or hug him for being so damned… well, loving. Mainly though, she was having trouble keeping her hormones in check. There were a couple of nights she’d felt more than a little sexually aroused, not at all helped by the fact Cullen was sleeping within arm’s reach of her and there wasn’t exactly a private space she could deal with those feelings. So she was getting more than a little testy.

“I am going to murder all of you,” she snapped to Varric after the dwarf prevented her from leaving her makeshift quarters. He just smiled and patted her on the shoulder. “Sorry, Snapdragon: I’m more afraid of what Cassandra and Holiday will do to me if I let you outside. Besides, you’re not missing anything! Repairs have barely begun and you need to rest. Here: the Seeker and Solas had me bring in some more books for you and I’ve even added some special ones in the mix!”

Cordelia rolled her eyes while putting a hand to her forehead. Cassandra was a bona fide lover of romance books and she had found out that several were prolifically smutty. It certainly did not in the least help her rampaging hormones. Solas at least had the good sense to send mundane titles. At least she prayed he did. “I’m not touching Cassandra’s books but may I see what Solas offered before I so graciously see what you’ve brought?” she requested.

He handed the tomes to her. There were three of them: The Herbalist's Guide to Thedas, Elven Legends and Stories as translated by Brother Markus Donnovichi, and a book with a brown leather cover with no title. She flipped through it and found it was about pregnancy. A particular chapter was marked with a gold and blue braided ribbon on-

Cordelia’s jaw tightened. She was going to beat him to death with that jaw bone necklace he wore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this will not be the last chapter of Ashes as much as it will be the last posted until February. The reason is this: I want to release things at a kind of schedule - something I suck at but am trying to change. Also February has Valentine's Day and what better way for us to celebrate people in love, right? Also if this works I won't burn out on writing things so yay?


	43. Chapter 43

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Every Monday until further notice.

What was the word she would use to describe to her baby the feeling of when she was finally “released” from the confines of her quarters (aside from a few small walks about with an escort) and was chosen to lead the Inquisition?

Cordelia honestly tried to find one. Would it be karmic? Fitting? Ironic? Cordelia would have to ask Varric or Holiday if they could help. 

After braiding her long chocolate brown hair and pinning it up, she sat there for a few moments and looked into her reflection. Hair the colour of her eyes, skin the colour of honey, and a nose that very recently a certain commander of the Inquisition’s armies had taken to kissing.

She felt her cheeks flush every time she remembered their previous kisses and Maker help her, she wanted more of them. But between his working, her being named Inquisitor, and the wedding preparations, there was barely enough time to breath let alone steal a few moments away to relax or talk.

“Ah! There you are, My Dear,” Vivienne’s voice called and the Grand Enchanter walked up the stairway into Cordelia’s quarters. Trailing behind her were two more people: one obviously an attendant or pack mule given how much they were carrying. “Inquisitor Trevelyan, may I present Monsieur Fabien Baschet. Fabien, darling, this is the Inquisitor.”

Ah, the very trustworthy and talented designer and seamstress Vivienne had sent for. Apparently he was the only one to call on when delicate brides in sensitive positions needed gowns in Orlais. Pleasantries were exchanged and they got right to business. The assistant measured her while Fabien looked Cordelia up and down, scrutinizing her closely. “Since this is a more private ceremony, we will go with something simple yet fitting of your station. As well as something that will not be too tight in case of last minute swelling.”

Or, as Cordelia’s brain translated it: ‘Something that is loose but well made so that should she grow more in the tummy region, it wouldn't need to be let out.’

Vivienne nodded in agreement to Monsieur Blanchet. “I have faith in you, Fabien-darling, as you know. Now, Cordelia-darling, did you look over the menus for the reception dinner? Maker knows Cullen is far too busy to do so.”

Cordelia reigned in the urge to roll her eyes. Vivienne and Josephine had decided that not only would there be a dinner in which a very few elite witnesses to the marriage would be in attendance after the ceremony, but there should also be flowers and Cullen and Cordelia were to exchange rings. A simple ceremony was quickly becoming needlessly complicated. 


	44. Chapter 44

“Would you like to play?” Cullen asked, motioning his hand to the empty seat across from him. Cordelia nodded. “I’d love to. I haven’t played since before I left Ostwick.” She sat down in the seat with a smile.

“I imagine Elias and you played quite often,” Cullen said as he set the board up, pausing as he flinched at his own words. They’d yet to broach the subject of Elias, or how or even if they would talk about him. “Forgive me. I-”

“It’s all right, Cullen. You can ask me questions about him if you want to,” she told him a soft smile on her face. He frowned, his unease showing. “I just don’t wish for you to feel uncomfortable or upset,” he said, his tone soft and gentle while he finished setting the board up.

“It’s been a little easier lately,” Cordelia explained, moving her first piece. “Being so busy helps. By the way, I won’t lie: I’m a little frightened that this wedding is going to become a lot bigger than the simple private ceremony I was hoping for.”

“First Enchanter Vivienne was wondering if I still had my templar armor,” Cullen said with a wry chuckle. “I think she and Josephine are going to try and get me to wear it, or at least some reworked version. Honestly, there will be plenty of opportunities to have a grand scale wedding.”

Cordelia raised an eyebrow at him, curious at his words but left it alone. That was a conversation best left for much much later. “So did you still have your templar armor?” she asked, going back to the reasonably safe topic of clothing. He shook his head. “Not the main pieces but my bracers are still in good shape,” he explained. “Never been so relieved to lose something I’d once considered essential. I’d rather not stand at the beginning of a brand new chapter of my life wearing the trappings of a past I’ve wished to forget.”

Her heart pounded a little with excitement at those words. 

The game continued on and Cordelia was surprised to find that Cullen was rather skilled. They talked of mundane topics, and yet she thoroughly enjoyed herself. Her hand moved to pick up her knight so she could set him in check, when suddenly the strangest feeling came over her. 

Cordelia’s face must have showed some of her unease, for within seconds Cullen was at her side. His eyes held concern as he kneeled before her. “Cordelia?” his eyebrow raised in question. 

“I...I don't know what just happened. I just had this fluttering...in my abdomen.” She looked down and covered her stomach with her hand. For several moments she waited, and then the feeling came again. 

“Perhaps we should go to the healer if you are unwell.” Cullen looked as nervous as she felt. What was happening to her? 

“I-oh…” The third time it happened, realization finally dawned on Cordelia’s face. The tears started falling, and Cullen became truly distressed. 

“What in the…” He started speaking, but stopped when Cordelia threw her arms around his neck. “Cullen, it's the baby! She's-it's moving!” 

His eyes grew wide and he reached down to cover her hand that rested on the slight swell of her stomach. He stared at their hands for a moment, before looking up to her with a smile on his face. 

Cordelia had never felt so happy. A baby -  _ her _ baby was moving inside her. It had never seemed real until that moment, but now she felt herself connected to the tiny life force within in a bond deeper than anything she had ever known.

“Cullen, I-” she sobbed and he pulled her closer to his chest. She buried her face in the crook of his neck and he rubbed her back to reassure her. It had been a while since he heard them, but those were definitely tears of joy she was crying. 

And part of him, he admitted, wanted to weep with her.


	45. Chapter 45

The small ceremony she’d expected and hoped for had been transformed into something massive. It was far too large, and Cordelia was not handling it well despite the calm, collected expression she was wearing. She could have sworn she told Josephine “a few people to witness the ceremony itself and then a feast” since she and Vivienne were so insistent.

According to Varric there were more than a hundred people in the throne room, and at least a thousand waiting outside.

The dress had plenty of room, and she was not showing as much as she was told she was supposed to, but her skin itself felt too tight. She’d tried to do her own hair and makeup, but Vivienne and Josephine had ganged up on her and taken that away. The simple job she normally would apply was tossed aside, and now she could barely recognize herself. Her long chocolate hair was upswept in a large braid sewn in place with pearl accents and silk ribbon. Her lips were colored with some kind of dark pink paint that glistened, while her eyes had been outlined with a dark kohl pencil, and smokey grey accented her lids.

“Oh you look beautiful!” Josephine declared excitedly. Cordelia didn’t feel beautiful. She felt like a doll about to be shown off to everyone and his horse. “I need some time alone,” she said, staring at her reflection. Her hands were fisted so tightly that she was certain her knuckles had turned white, although no one could see them through her gloves.

“Of course, My Dear,” Vivienne crooned. “We can give you a few moments. I must go speak with someone and get my seat.” Before she left, the First Enchanter gave her a pat on her shoulder. “These are your last few moments as a Trevelyan, Darling. Soon you will be properly wed and the little bundle inside will be safe and protected by two people who will adore it.”

Cordelia wanted to throw up.

 

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

 

Cullen did not like this.

Cordelia and he had both specifically insisted on a few witness and then a small banquet. He  _ knew _ it because he’d written it down on at least three memos to Lady Montilyet.

Maker’s breath, they’d made him new armor. A wedding gift befitting the Commander of the Inquisition's forces, in a material that was too light for his tastes but Harritt insisted was stronger than his old set. His gauntlets bore the sigils of all three factions on them: Inquisition, Mage, and Templar, and he now wore a cape of heavy dark blue material. “Don’t worry, Commander,” Dorian exclaimed with a wine glass in hand. “I checked. Your old suit is currently tucked away in the war room, although I’m certain Cordelia will be having it on display in the Inquisitorial quarters once all this is said and done. Will you two be cohabitating now? Her chambers are far too big for her alone.”

They had yet to discuss that, and his mind started to think about certain expectations that the two of them would have to fulfill.

“Is it a Southerner’s custom to witness the consummation of the marriage?” Dorian asked with a twirl of his mustache. “I know they do it in Tevinter (awkward business I tell you),  but I wasn’t aware if it was a similar happening here in the South.”

Cullen desperately wanted a drink, but thought his hands too unsteady to handle a glass.

The door to the Main Hall burst open and in walked the Inquisition’s Spymaster wearing her best armor. Cullen was glad to see she looked more sober than the last time he saw her, and it appeared she had bathed. Flanking behind her were two identical looking men, and several of her top spies. 

He couldn’t help but flick his gaze over to Krem. He noted the man had a less than pleased look, and his hands were clenched tightly at his sides. Cullen would have to evaluate that later though. For now, Holliday was walking straight up to the dais he stood on. Her entrance had certainly captured everyone’s attention, and he was thankful the masses were no longer staring at him.

“So everyone was going to start this party without me?” She swayed a little as she spoke. Maybe he had been wrong, she wasn’t  _ that  _ sober yet. Cordelia had told him of Holliday’s past, and though he pitied her, he wished she wouldn’t make such a scene. He was sure Cordelia would love hearing about it though. 

“Lady Holliday, if you please. We have a seat for you over...” Josephine stepped forward to calm the disruption, but the Spymaster was having none of that. “Like hell I’m sitting anywhere. Someone needs to stand beside the poor Inquisitor and give her some support. I explicitly remember the love birds asking for a small affair. You must have lost that message somewhere though, Ambassador.”

Holliday walked up to stand opposite of Cullen, and he had to hide a snicker behind his hand. Josephine looked positively furious. At least the Spymaster had enough sense to make her declaration quiet so that only those in the immediate area heard it.

“Lovely, there should always be at least one drunken dwarf at every wedding,” Dorian said with an amused tone. Holliday shot him a look and mouthed ‘go to hell’ quite clearly. Cullen just prayed they all made it through this alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a cold and I am miserable and want to not keep to my schedule. This is why ya'll are getting a second chapter today. And maybe a 3rd.


	46. Chapter 46

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And one more because fuck this cold.

She couldn’t bring herself to exit her room.

She needed to. People were waiting. Cullen was waiting. But Void take her, she could not bring herself to go out there in front of all those people and get married. 

Thoughts rushed through her mind and she couldn’t breathe properly. She retreated farther into her room, all the way to where there was a ladder leading up to the second level of her bedroom.

“Choking. Lashing. Suffocating,” Cole’s voice gently sounded from close by and she looked up at him. “What I am doing? What if I disappoint him? What if  _ we _ disappoint him? We’re taking his chance for happiness away. Oh!” The boy looked shocked for a second, realizing he was not helping matters. “I’m sorry. That was wrong again.”

“Not completely,” Cordelia assured him. “You really must learn about subtly, Cole.”

He nodded as Cordelia studied him. Someone had gotten him in a more appropriate outfit, and he looked much better than he did at Haven. They hadn’t managed to get him to lose his hat though. His blue eyes peered down at her. They widened slightly before he suddenly disappeared.

She put her hands on her head while she tried to breathe in and calm her nerves. She needed to get a grip and go down there before people began to worry where she was. Instead, all she could do was curl up inside herself and try not to ruin her makeup.

 

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

 

“Should someone go fetch the Inquisitor?”

Josephine looked worried as the few moments of time she’d allotted for any sudden changes were quickly running low.

Cole quietly slipped up to stand beside Cullen, being hidden well from any curious looks. “She’s scared,” the boy whispered for Cullen’s ears only. “She can’t leave her room because she’s afraid.”

Cullen frowned deeply. “She’s afraid?” he repeated. Cole nodded. “She’s afraid you will regret this choice. She doesn’t wish to disappoint you. Will either of them make you regret? She does not want to be left alone, looking on the outside. Heartbroken as she drinks the vial.”

Her mother. Of course Cordelia would be having worried thoughts about the future, compounded further by the stress of all this freakshow. It was bad enough that aside from their fated chess game, they’d been unable to spend another moment alone. But now both of them were about to traverse a brand new road, a road neither of them had any clue what they were supposed to do. They had not even discussed their expectations for each other. The two of them were too practical to let things just fall in place. They needed plans of attack, strategic outlines, boundaries. None of these had been made. Not really.

They’d only really both agreed that it would be a relief for her to not be alone,  and have someone to give her child a father. But it was more than that for him. He loved her, completely and irrevocably. He wanted to be with her and help her, give her support when she needed it, and to be her shield when the world was coming at her with violence.

Not just for her, but for the infant growing within her. He wanted to be a father. To teach, and guide, and protect the baby. Watching over them if they got sick, hugging them if they woke up crying because of nightmares, helping train them to defend themselves. He wanted so much now.

And he wanted it with Cordelia at his side. 


	47. Chapter 47

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ya'll might wanna grab some tissues.

“Alright well as nice as all this standing around is-” Holliday stepped forward with a slight sway, “I’m starting to get sober. Commander, go fetch your lady.” 

“But that is against tradition!” exclaimed Josephine. Her eyes shifted around the room like the Maker might strike them down just for suggesting it. Cullen personally thought it was an excellent idea. “I think I will have to agree with the Spymaster on this,” he said. 

“Unless you want me to do something drastic like set a Jar of Bees off, then I think we should let the groom go. It’s probably just stage fright. Everyone has kept her locked up so long, and now you want her front and center. It’s enough to make any woman crazy.” Holliday fingered something in her pocket, and Cullen had no doubt of her seriousness. Josephine seemed to believe her as well, for she nodded her agreeance. 

“I wouldn’t tempt the dwarf,” quipped Dorian. He wasn’t trying to hide his rather amused expression. 

“Everyone will see you leave, my dear.” Finally Vivienne piped up. Cullen knew her words were true, and he hadn’t thought about how strange it would appear to his guest if he disappeared suddenly. 

“Oh I can take care of that as well.” A wicked smile was on Holliday’s face. Before anyone could move to stop her, a tiny object appeared in her hand. She promptly threw it on the floor, and the entire party was enveloped in a cloud of white smoke. 

Cullen coughed violently, whatever was in that concoction smelled awful. A small hand appeared on his arm, tugging him in the direction of Cordelia’s room. “Come on, lover boy. Can’t be standing around all day,” came Holliday’s voice. 

Josephine was going to be furious, but at least he would be able to see Cordelia now. 

He slipped through the main hall, managing to enter the doorway leading to the stairwell of the Inquisitor’s quarters quickly before anyone could be wiser. Holliday was leading the way like a professional. Of course, he quickly had to remind himself: she was a professional at this. It was her job to be sneaky.

 

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

 

His heart almost broke when they entered her room and Cullen heard the soft sobs. “Cordelia?” he asked gently, sounding like he was trying to coax a frightened animal out of a cornered spot.

Wait…. this was exactly like that with the exception that she wouldn’t be biting or clawing at him to keep him at bay, hopefully.

“Cullen?”

Cordelia looked up, her eyes widening in horror at the sound of his voice. Oh no. “I’m sorry,” she hiccupped. “I know I’m supposed to be down there by now. I just...” She trailed off, not sure what to say. She became petrified at the idea of going out there and becoming his wife? That every time she got towards the door, her feet couldn’t move another step because of suddenly risen long dormant fears involving her parents? Maker, she must sound pathetic.

“It’s all right,” she heard him assure as she spotted him at the doorway. Her breath froze in awe. He looked - Oh maker, he looked good. His new armor was a work of art, and his blond hair had been extra slicked back. He looked like the perfect vision of a groom.

A groom who deserved better than some pregnant mage with emotional baggage who was supposed to save the world.

He entered the room slowly, and she shielded her face from him. Cordelia did not want to see the irritation in his gaze. After all, how long had he been waiting down there for her among that insanity before he finally was forced to come collect her?

The look on his face was anything but irritated as Cullen gently tugged her hands down so he could look at her.

“You look beautiful,” he commented and by the sound of his voice -  he meant it, despite the fact that she knew her eye makeup was ruined from her tears. She fought back another round of fresh sobs as she admitted, “I don’t feel beautiful. I feel like a display item.”

“Well I think you are the most beautiful display item I have ever laid eyes on,” he retorted with a smirk, his hands firmly clasping hers in his. She choked out a laugh at his joke. A moment of silence passed between them before Cullen broke it. “I know we both agreed that this whole thing was meant to be small,” he stated. “Next time we do this, let’s just take the kids and elope.”

This caused her to genuinely laugh now, the worry momentarily gone from her person. Wait, had he just said  _ kids, _ as in multiple? Did he truly want to have children with her? Cordelia would have to evaluate that later. Right now she owed him some answers. 

“I’m sorry,” she apologized.

Brown eyes looked confused into darker brown ones as she explained, “I thought I was okay. Truly I did. But Vivienne said something about this being my last moments as a Trevelyan, and then our baby finally having two legitimate parents who will love them, and I just felt my courage leave.”

His smiled left, replaced by a slight frown and she looked away guiltily. “It just... brought back all those fears about my mother and what I’d thought all those months ago back when this whole arranged marriage business came up. Even though you said you loved me, Cullen, I don’t feel worthy. I feel like I’m taking away potential happiness from you by having you marry me.”

He felt angry, but not at her. This whole mess was causing his love pain. They should have been given more time together before this to talk. More time to bond. More time for him to kiss and hold her and try and make her understand.

He was definitely going to rectify that now.

Without warning his mouth swooped upon hers, claiming it in a kiss. A kiss he poured every ounce of feeling he had for her into. The surge of desire at the contact was just a wonderful side benefit for him.

As was the fact she had her hands on the sides of his face to draw him deeper into the kiss.

Cullen got to his feet and pulled her against him, not wanting to let her go. Maker, take him: she was perfect. And if there was not a mass of damned nobles and other people waiting for them, he would carry her to that giant bed she had and fucking show her how much she meant to him.

He pressed his forehead to hers as he drew away from the kiss. Their eyes fluttered open, half drunk with desire and emotion. “I love you, Cordelia. Nothing in Thedas will ever change that.” He breathed out the words. He meant them, and he needed her to know that. 

“But why?” she asked. “How can you be sure?”

“Because you are an amazing, strong, understanding, caring, beautiful woman who even by just being near me makes me think I can get through this. You make me feel hope for the future, and that someone personally needs me. Someone that I can protect, and support, and help in more ways than just by being the Commander. That I’m worth something greater than a broken lyrium addict barely hanging on to help the Inquisition. That I can be a husband. A father. A friend. Whatever you need, I want to be that for you. Not just for Cordelia Trevelyan, the Inquisitor, but for the woman I am about to pledge my life to once more. This time not in service of a soldier to their commander, but as a man to the woman he loves more than anything. And your baby will now have three legitimate parents who love it. Elias may not be here in body, but a part of him will always be here with you. And I will be damned if I’m going to let anyone cover that up.”

Her heart felt like it was going to burst out of her chest and she choked out a sob. “Now,” he said, suddenly straightening himself to full height as he squared his shoulders. “I want to you to repeat after me: I, Cordelia Evangeline Trevelyan.”

Her eyes widened in shock. “How did you-”

He gave her small smile. “Like I said: I, Cordelia Evangeline Trevelyan.”

“I, Cordelia Evangeline Trevelyan…”

“Do so swear to the Maker”

“Do so swear to the Maker that I will love, honor, and respect thee, Cullen Stanton Rutherford, for the rest of our days. And may we be blessed and guided by the Maker’s light.”

“And I do so solemnly vow,” he continued in spite of the fact he knew she’d just said the official words.

“And I do so solemnly vow-”

“To allow you, Cullen Rutherford, to spoil, dote, fawn and care for both me and my baby, and any we might have in the future.”

Cordelia didn’t know if she was going to be able to hold back her tears if this continued, and yet she repeated what he said back to him.

“Now what are my lines again?” he asked with a teasing smile. “Oh yes. I, Cullen Stanton Rutherford, do so swear to to the Maker and and all of Thedas that I shall love, honor, cherish, and worship without reservation or hesitation, this woman standing before me. I will hold her when she needs to be held. I will be her shield and her sword. I will be the shoulder she can lean on when she needs someone to speak to. I will massage the aches from her body when she needs them gone. If the world turns against her, I will turn against the world, and use everything in my power to make it see it’s folly.”

“And I, Christy Holliday, swear if you don’t get your arses in gear a pissed off Antivan will break down this door.” The dwarf appeared suddenly beside them as she spoke. They both blushed, but she seemed hardly as angry as her words made her sound. “This is absolutely adorable, darlings, simply wonderful. But, I think you are supposed to do it in front of the crowd of adoring fans waiting for you.” Her imitation of Vivienne’s accent was spot on. 

“I’m sorry, it’s just-” Cordelia tried to explain herself but Holliday held up her hand. 

“I know. It’s not like they ever let you two have time alone together. Maker have mercy, I’m amazed you even know his name,” she chuckled as she tried to ease the mood. “And now that you have cried all the Avvar war paint off your face, lets make you look like yourself. We have a wedding to attend.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also it's not Monday but FUCK IT! I need to get this released!


	48. Chapter 48

Her makeup was fixed.

Holliday was amazing and Cordelia found herself wishing the spymaster had been there earlier.

“If they’d been planning on making you wear enough paint to look like a clown, they should have just ordered your one of those little Orlesian numbers. There was one in Val Rouyeax I saw a while back, would have been perfect with this hair style,” Holliday chatted as she put the final touch of Cordelia’s new lip paint. “And done.”

Cordelia looked at her reflection feeling relieved. She looked more like herself, but felt prettier and not like some show piece. “There I am,” she sighed happily. The baby had settled down as well, and Cordelia got to her feet and turned towards Cullen.

He seemed to freeze momentarily at the sight of her and Cordelia swallowed, but then he grinned and she smiled back. He held out his arm in offering as she walked towards him. “Shall we go be wed, Mistress Trevelyan?” he asked in a voice filled with affection and sounding so much more comforting than he probably could even guess.

“Absolutely, Commander Rutherford,” she replied with a smile that caused Cullen’s knees to weaken. Cordelia glanced at Holliday. “Lady Holliday? If you would be so kind as to accompany me while I attempt to go down the stairs in this giant satin and silk puffball?”

“I think I can oblige,” she giggled as she gathered the ridiculously long train behind Cordelia. The trio started down the stairs, and the one time Cordelia slipped, her Commander was there to catch her. 

Just as he would always be there from this day forward. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone else drowning?


	49. Chapter 49

Despite a few disapproving looks cast their way once they arrived in the hall, the actual ceremony went off without a hitch. Now, Cullen and Cordelia were sitting behind a table facing the attendees of their reception dinner, watching revelers and entertainment Josephine and Vivienne had arranged.

The food was delicious, but Cordelia’s mind was preoccupied. Cullen’s family had apparently been invited from Honaleathe, and to put it mildly, she was nervous. Not that she was going to properly get a chance to meet them tonight (she would be lucky if she was going to speak to anyone outside of receiving congratulations) but still…

Cullen was holding her hand under the table and he gave it a gentle squeeze. Cordelia glanced at him ever so quickly before looking forwards again, a smile on her lips.  _ Focus on what’s in front of you, _ she told herself.  _ Smile and laugh. Soon this portion of the itinerary will be done, and then people will come forward. After that then… _

Oh Maker give her strength.

She probably shouldn’t be focusing on  _ that _ , she scolded herself. But that kiss in her quarters - soon to be their quarters - was still fresh on her mind, and Cullen’s thumb was drawing little circles on the top of her gloved hand. Maker that man could kiss!

They pulled their hands apart and gave a polite applause at the end of the final performance: some kind of Antivan juggler who had been balancing on a board atop a large ball while juggling nugs. It might have been more impressive if her mind were not on other things.

Like the baby wanting to do cartwheels inside her at all the excitement happening about.

Or how soon she and Cullen were going to be in their chambers, consummating this union.

Or the fact that her former in-laws just walked up to their table.

Chocolate brown eyes stared in shock at the Bann and Lady Trevelyan, who for the most part looked well. Older, but still the same as they did over ten years ago when she was taken from their home. But why were they here? she asked herself, swallowing back the sudden welling up of fear inside her.

“May I present Bann and Lady Trevelyan of Ostwick,” Josephine introduced, a slight unease to her tone. Apparently the Ambassador was very much feeling off with their whole appearance as well. Cordelia nodded and Cullen seemed to sit up a little straighter. Bann Trevelyan bowed as his wife curtsied. “It has been a long time, Lady Lavellan,” the woman said with an obvious touch of venom to her voice. “You look lovely. Practically glowing with happiness.”

She would not feel guilty. She would not apologize.

“As do the two of you,” Cordelia said, putting on her most diplomatic facade.

“Well it’s slightly difficult to go on when your only son and heir to your family is dead, and the woman who is responsible sits with his child in her belly while married to another man. But we’ve managed, haven’t we dear?”

Cordelia somehow managed to grab Cullen’s arm, keeping him from rising up off his seat. “Elias’ death hit everyone who loved him hard, milord,” she said in a tone that betrayed none of her anger. “He was a good man. However, I am not responsible for his death.”

“But you are pregnant with his child?” Lady Trevelyan asked, her finely painted lips practically sneering at her. “How lovely for you! So not only did you have the gall to whisk him away and get married in a fake ceremony, but you also have full control of our grandchild. If it’s even his. I heard you were quite popular among the boys at Ostwick Circle. It’s the elven blood I take it. Makes for quite the allure.”

As angry as she was feeling, a sense of pity started to well up within her as well. These people knew of nothing better to entertain themselves than to slight others for supposed injuries. 

“My understanding, Lady Trevelyan,” Holliday appeared at her in-laws’ side. Where in the Maker’s name had that dwarf come from? Cordelia’s eyes grew wide as she fingered the dagger at her hip before continuing. “Is that many young Templars once graced your father’s home. You were to be a Chantry sister, correct? Until that  _ unfortunate  _ incident with Ser Richard that is.”

Cordelia could have hugged the woman as Lady Trevelyan’s face went pale.  She opened her mouth to retort, but Holliday cut her off with a wicked grin on her face. 

“And my Lord Trevelyan, shall we discuss your dealings with a certain young Antivan noble woman? It has come to my attention that the fair lady here was not your first choice for bride.” Holliday sneered and Cordelia’s former relations stormed off muttering about ‘improper hosts’ and such.

Cordelia found she was not remiss at their hasty retreat. Her sole focus was on the man at her side, a man currently leaning over to whisper in her ear. “Ignore them. That won't be the last of our trials this day, but I promise to make up for it  _ tonight. _ ” He growled the last word, and a shiver crawled across her skin. 

Cordelia could endure anything with that promise from him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone who doesn't like NSFW stuff you can just consider this the last chapter in this part of the series. Chapter 51? SO MUCH SMUT! Now that these two are married I can take a break and work on other stories for a few months. But don't worry: there is SO much more I have planned. Also I will try and include more smut in the next series since that burn was so slow it might have been a simmer.


	50. Chapter 50

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is completely NSFW. It's all 100% from start to finish smut people! I warned you at the end of Chapter 50's notes and if you get offended by this you are stupid as sin for continuing on and why are you still here?!
> 
> Happy Valentine's Day!

They were finally alone.

Her heart and stomach were doing somersaults as Cullen carried her up the stairs slowly and carefully, taking his time. Cordelia wondered if he was as nervous as she was. If he was, he was hiding it gloriously.

They ascended the final step and he put her down on her feet in the middle of the room. She wasn’t sure what to do now that she finally had what she wanted, so Cordelia just stared at him and swallowed. They stayed like that for a few minutes before Cullen removed his gloves, tossing them on the floor and placing his hands on her face.

“I love you,” he said before leaning in and taking her lips with his own. Oh Sweet Andraste, the man could kiss! It was gentle, but Cordelia could swear she felt the beginnings of desire teasing their way into it. He pulled away after a few moments, and gently turned her so her back was to him. His fingers began to slowly undo the laces of her dress as Cullen’s lips planted kisses on her bare flesh as it was exposed to him.

Warmth pooled into her abdomen as the dress came loose, Cullen once again turning her around to face him as he slid the main layer of fabric off her. She might have had two more layers of slips and undergarments to get out of, but the way he was looking at her, Maker have mercy! She felt naked already.

His fingers ghosted across her flesh, and Cordelia felt a mixture of aroused heat and slight shame. His hand laid on her cheek as he asked, “What’s wrong?”

“I-it’s been a while,” she explained, her nervousness causing her to slightly stammer. “And even though I’m not a virgin, I’m sure you’ve had better lovers.”

He chuckled, low and sexy. “I’m no Chantry youth, but I definitely haven’t had many lovers,” Cullen assured her. “But I’m not thinking of any of them. You are beautiful, Cordelia. And I want to taste every inch of you.”

Taste every- Oh sweet maker.

Her face flushed crimson and with a smirk, he swooped back in for another kiss. This one was fire and passion, not gentle like the previous ones. This one was like the one from earlier that made her head swim and desire curl into a tight ball inside of her.

Their hands started to touch each other, and she soon found herself very irritated that he was still wearing that new armor of his. “Cullen, I want…” She trailed off, shy and aroused and not sure if she could form sentences properly.

“Tell me,” he hummed in her ear as his hands slid beneath the silk of her slip between her legs. Cordelia’s hands gripped his shoulders as he rubbed her now moist small clothes-covered crotch.

“Too many clothes,” she panted and gripped his armored shoulders. “I need…”

“I want to see you come undone, Cordelia,” he told her. She whimpered as his hands manipulated her like an instrument, and  _ he _ was the master musician. “Tonight is finally the night I can have you, and do things to you that I’ve wanted to since we were in Haven.” Cullen secured one hand firmly around her leg for stability as his fingers deftly worked her sensitive spot. Cordelia’s arms were now wrapped around his neck, and her breaths were hard and labored. Was it supposed to feel this incredible? Her experiences with Elias were good but for some reason this felt…

She bit her lip as a whimper slipped out.

“How does it feel, Cordelia?” he asked. “Tell me so I can know.”

“It… it feels amazing,” she shuddered. Oh she was close. If he kept this up, she was going to cum. “Please… I don’t…” What was she asking for? Her brain seemed to have stopped working and-

His fingers did something and she cried out, holding him tightly as her body shuddered and shook. Light danced behind her eyelids as he held her close to him and in place. Cordelia had no idea how she was still standing except by Cullen’s support. He pulled his hand gently from between her legs and slipped one of his moist fingers into his mouth, tasting the juices that glistened on the digit.

Cordelia bit her lip with embarrassment mixed with a hint of pleasure at the look he gave afterwards. “I need to get you out of the rest of these clothes,” he said and she swallowed. His brown eyes were dark with desire as he managed to get her completely naked while still wearing all that blasted armor. “Cullen, that’s not fair,” she muttered as he picked her back up and laid her down on their bed.

“Oh?”

His voice was teasing and she felt her face heat up as his eyes looked her over. “You-you’re wearing,” Maker why had she become so ridiculously inept? Cordelia covered her face like an embarrassed child as he smirked at her stammered words. Pulling her hands away from her eyes, he told her, “Do you want me out of my armor, My Lady-Wife?”

Oh Maker, his voice did things to her! She pressed her lips and managed a nod. “Then watch,” he ordered and stepped back. She couldn’t bring herself to disobey him, and her dark brown eyes watched him slowly unbuckle his armor, each piece revealing more and more of him until he was finally completely nude in front of her.

Oh sweet Andraste, he was big. Not just his manhood which jutted out proudly, but his broad shoulders and well-muscled body. Where Elias had been lithe and wiry with black hair, pale skin, and blue eyes, Cullen was built like a warrior looking polar to Elias in many ways.

He crawled over her on the bed and began to kiss and touch her all over again, not letting her do the same. “Cullen, can’t I-”

“No,” he said firmly and she whimpered. His lips trailed down and he planted a kiss atop her rounded belly, more visible now that he’d gotten her out of that dress. Her eyes widened as she realized where he was going, and she tried to move away. His hands held her hips firmly in place as he gave her a look that stopped her from squirming.

“You can’t-”

“I said I was going to taste every inch of you, My Lady-Wife,” he reminded her before his face disappeared between her legs. Cordelia cried out as his tongue and fingers played with her most intimate place, one white-knuckled hand gripping the bed linens beneath her as the other covered her mouth to help muffle the sobs of pleasure that were escaping her.

Cullen stopped and looked up at her, her juices covering his chin and he pulled the hand over her mouth away. “I want to hear you, Cordelia,” he said and she nodded. Sweet Maker, why was this so good? her mind blurrily thought as he brought her to the brink and over once more, her mind and body shuddering with orgasm.

Fuzzily, she registered Cullen kissing her as he positioned his stiff throbbing rod between her petals. He wrapped her legs around his waist and slowly entered her, her back arching at the sensation. It had been a long time and he was so much bigger than Elias. 

It was… 

She couldn’t…. 

Cullen let out a hiss at the feel of her on his member. She was so tight and warm around him, and it was taking all he had not to force the rest of him deep inside her. One arm kept hold of her hip, while the other was being used to help him stay balanced while he felt her adjust to him. He slowly, almost to the point of breaking his mind, finally seated himself in her as deep as he could go.

After a few moments, he slowly began to build up a rhythm, her voice a mixture of moans and whimpers that told him she was feeling pleasure. “Talk to me, Cordelia,” he ordered.

“I can’t… it’s too…”

She whimpered in pleasure as her hands covered her face. “It feels good,” she cried, seemingly not in control of her own thoughts. “It didn’t feel this good before!” Some part of him filled with a savage kind of pride at that admittance. “You’re wide and it hurts but it feels good at the same time and I can’t-”

He quickened his pace at her words, causing her to gasp and tighten her legs around his waist. “Maker, Cullen, please I can’t,” she pleaded, tears threatening to spill as he brought her to the brink of ecstasy once again.

“It’s all right, my love,” he soothed, and with a few more thrusts she was gone again, her body a boneless mass of quivering and shudders. He finally hit the crest himself, spilling his seed inside her body, feeling the blessed sweet release and crying out to the Maker before collapsing on her. Taking care to avoid pressing his weight on her stomach, he placed a kiss on her breasts and then her lips.

She looked so beautiful. Her full breasts and slightly rounded tummy and body wracked with orgasmic bliss. A bliss he had brought her, and one that she was not used to feeling in spite of her very happy and fulfilling marriage to Elias. Was it wrong for him to feel smug at that? He probably should feel guilty or ashamed but as he looked at her, he felt nothing but pride. Pride at the sight of his wife. She was his now, and he was determined to bring her to this same state as many nights as he could.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Thief, Rogue, and Spy Extraordinaire: A Companion Work to Life is a Pheonix](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5645464) by [Mayamelissa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mayamelissa/pseuds/Mayamelissa), [SilentSlayer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilentSlayer/pseuds/SilentSlayer)




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